


Heaven In My Hurricane

by OMOWatcher, SebastianFloofyHair



Series: The Deadliest Sin [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Romanian Actor RPF, Sebastian Stan RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, Crying, Cunnilingus, Dick measuring contest, Especially When Jealousy Is Involved, F/M, Fluff, Foot in mouth syndrome, Friends to Lovers, Hair Brushing, Hand Jobs, Hash Brownies, High Threesomes Are A Bad Idea, Jealousy, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Netflix and Chill, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Queerplatonic Relationships, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, Vomiting, girl talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-05 16:51:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12193860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMOWatcher/pseuds/OMOWatcher, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SebastianFloofyHair/pseuds/SebastianFloofyHair
Summary: Chris’ fingers trailed up the inside of her other arm and Tara’s eyelashes fluttered when she shifted her gaze to him. “Are...are you serious? You wanna... oh god,” she groaned when he smirked, his knuckles brushing along the curve of her breast. “You...”Sebastian reached up, tracing his fingers down the side of her neck and over her collarbone, following the fold of the fabric to where he knew her nipple would already be peaked up underneath and flicked with his nail. He leant down, his lips beside her ear. “Fuckin’ love it when you make noises like that, even if it’s not for me,” he whispered, nipping at the sensitive spot behind her earlobe.Chris moved his hand to her waist, lifting the hem of her shirt and slipping his fingers up over her belly. “Go on, baby. Kiss him now. Let me see.”Sebastian finds his feelings becoming clearer but Tara is still torn between both Chris and Sebastian, and trying to choose is proving impossible. After another dip into Chris' tub of special brownies, things that a decidedly erotic, but complex turn for the three of them.Part of"The Deadliest Sin"series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am so in love with these two, and I know that SebastianFloofyHair is too! *grins* This is the fourth instalment of 'The Deadliest Sin' and I will try to get it posted up a chapter a day, because we have SO much to edit and post of this. I hope that you guys enjoy reading it as much as we enjoy writing it. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer:**
> 
> We don't know the actual, real Sebastian Stan or Chris Evans. This is just a facsimile of them and neither they nor the story bears any relation to reality. Any similarities in the scenario to Real Life™ are just coincidence. We intend no harm or upset to Sebastian, Chris, or their family and friends. Everything is completely made up from the depraved depths of our brains and Charlie and Tara belongs to SebastianFloofyHair.

Sebastian was warm. Really, beautifully warm. At one point in the night, they’d woken, the fire just embers and their bare skin chilled, the covers still pooled around their waists. They’d hurriedly pulled on their discarded clothes, and Tara had vanished downstairs, returning with hot chocolate and cookies, and where her hair had been falling out of its bun, she’d roughly braided it. They’d curled back into each other and, for a while, they gave in to the desire for touch, simply kissing and holding each other before settling back down to sleep - this time with the comforter pulled up around their shoulders.

He shifted slightly, pressing the length of his body into the soft curves against his chest, and smiled. Even with his eyes still closed, he knew that there’d be little more than the top of her head visible above the covers. Stretching a little, Sebastian skimmed his hand over her side, curling over her hip as he nudged his knees against the back of her thighs, relishing their closeness. The length of his erection pressed into the swell of her buttocks but, for once, he didn’t need to worry about her reaction. Typically, Tara would stretch herself along his back, relishing his body heat as she laid her cheek between his shoulders; as much as he loved being the little spoon while they slept, this felt right today. Pushing at her braid with his nose, he pressed his lips against the side of her neck, simply inhaling the scent of her skin.

“Hmmm,” Tara murmured, arching her neck into the warmth of his kiss. She brought a hand over his, covering his fingers where they rested on her hip and snuggled back against him.

“Hi," he mumbled, his voice rough with sleep and his eyes still closed. “Don’t go. S’nice.” His arm slid around her waist, pulling them closer, and he drowsily rocked his hips into her.

Tara giggled softly, drifting her fingertips over his forearm. “Where would I go?” She murmured, sliding her hand down to slip her fingers through his.

“Mmmm... dunno,” he replied, mouthing lazily at the point of her jaw, behind her earlobe. “Just don’t. Stay right here.” His grip tightened on their entwined fingers and he slid his palm from the soft slope of her belly to rest over her pelvic bone, his knee slipping between hers. “S’too early to get up.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, guiding his hand up under her top to rest over her navel. “It’s way too early to get up. And cold.” She smiled a little, turning her head on the pillow until she could feel his breath on her cheek. “We should keep warm.”

He chuckled, nipping at the line of her jaw, the scruff on his face scraping across her skin. “An’ how’d you suggest we do that?” he asked, finally opening his eyes, his fingers tracing over the bare skin of her stomach, his nails scratching along the plane of her ribs.

Tara blushed, opening her eyes to look at him. “I was hopin’ maybe you had some ideas.” She drifted her gaze over his face to the puffy red of his lips, always so soft when he’d just woken up. She grinned at him. “Think you can come up with some?”

“Mmm... pretty sure I can figure somethin’ out,” he agreed, pressing the length of his cock more insistently into her as his palm came to rest against the bottom curve of her breast, his long fingers curling around the fullness and his thumb swiping across the taut peak of her nipple. Tara whimpered, her eyes closing again as she pushed herself into his touch. He lifted his head, his lips settling against hers in a slow, languid kiss. Bending his knee further, he eased his thigh between hers, pressing closer to her.

Tara brought a hand up to the side of his face, sliding it back into his hair as her lips parted under his, her hips circling back into the bend of his body. She moaned softly into his mouth as the length of his erection brushed suggestively between the cheeks of her ass, even through the thin cotton panties she wore, her pyjama pants still crumpled on the floor from the night before.

His breath burst sharply from his nose and he throbbed against her as she ground against his pelvis. He rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger before squeezing the heavy flesh in his palm. He broke away from her lips, already breathing hard, rubbing his nose against the side of hers. “Roll over, babe,” he told her, his fingers restless.

She turned in his arms and he pressed his leg back between hers, groaning softly at the heat of her core through the thin material of his boxer briefs. He flexed his thigh, his hand curving around her hip and pulling her more intimately into his body, his arousal pressed between them.

“Thassit,” he whispered, rolling his hips and encouraging her to match his movements, “Tha’s my girl.”

Tara lifted her knee, hooking her leg over his thigh as she rocked into him, her hands coming up to the side of his face. “So many clothes,” she breathed, brushing her open mouth against the corner of his lips. “Wanna feel you... all of you.”  

Sebastian smiled down at her, tangling his hand in the hem of her shirt and working it up and over her head. “Better get to work then,” he suggested, leaning down to swipe the flat of his tongue over her breast, swirling around the firmness of the hardened peak. Tara moaned and Sebastian lifted his arms as she pulled his own tee over his head, her mouth capturing his own beaded nipple no sooner than she’d tossed the shirt aside. He groaned, his head pressing back into the pillow, his fingers digging into her soft curves as his hips stuttered. “Fuck, I love your mouth,” he told her.

Tara shifted so that she was straddling his waist, her breasts crushed to his chest as she rested her arms over his shoulders to look down at him. She smiled, her eyelids heavy as she slowly slicked her tongue across her bottom lip. “You do, huh?”

He grunted, squirming underneath her as his hands captured her hips, his thumbs drawing arcs across the creases of her thighs. “God, yes. Love everything you do with it.” He pressed at her, hoping that she’d shift lower, create some friction where he needed it most, but she resisted. “Jesus, don’t tease me, sweetheart," he moaned.

She smiled and licked playfully at his bottom lip before tugging it between her teeth. “What if I wanna?” She chuckled, tipping his chin up with her nose as she kissed and sucked her way down his throat, between his collar bones. She pressed her hips back, the soaked fabric of her panties pulled tight against her swollen pussy as she slid herself over his hips to grind down over his trapped cock. She braced her hands at his sides, licking a path down the centre of his chest and paused only to brush her lips over each nipple, laving her tongue over them when he moaned in response.

“Oh, fuck," he whimpered, bucking up into her, “So good baby, please." One hand reached to cup the back of her neck, the other dipped between them, tracing the seam of her pussy through the slick cotton. “Jesus, Tara," he gasped. “I’ll never get sick of this. So fucking wet for me."

“Mmmm,” she hummed as she moved back to kneel between his legs and pressed open mouth kisses over his tight belly. Dipping her tongue into his navel, she nuzzled her face against the dark hair that trailed beneath the waistband of his shorts. She curled a finger into the elastic and flicked her eyes up to his. “This where you want my mouth?”

His fingers carded into her hair, weaving into the braid. “Yes, shit, want your mouth on me. Wanna feel my cock sliding between your lips, baby,” he groaned huskily, holding her still and nudging himself against her cheek.

Tara smiled, moaning hungrily as she sucked a kiss over his hipbone, using both hands to tug his shorts down to his knees. She sat up, resting back on her heels as she looked at him. “Take ‘em off for me, lover.”

His eyes rolled closed. “Jesus, say that again.” he ground out, kicking his feet free from the tangle of cotton.

She lifted her brows, slid her hands up the inside of his thighs and lowered her voice, filled it with breath. “What? _Lover_?”

“ _Fuck_ , yes, that,” he moaned, spreading his legs open and tugging at her hair. “C’mon, please... lemme feel you."

Tara squeezed the lean muscles of his inner thighs, raking her nails up to his hip bones as she settled herself between his legs. She knew he wanted her mouth on his cock but she wasn’t ready to let him have it. She turned her face to his thigh, raking her teeth over a spot then licking it, fastening her lips to his skin and sucking hard as her other hand drifted lazily up to his stomach. “What about what I want, lover?” She murmured, glancing up at him before dragging her lips up, closer to the crease where hip met thigh. She sucked again, this time hard enough to bruise.

His lips parted on a rush of breath, his back arching at the nip of her teeth, the aching pressure of her mouth against his skin. “Shit, Tara, what the...? God darlin’, do whatever the fuck you want, _fuck._.." His cock twitched against his stomach, already leaking from the tip at her ministrations.

She chuckled against his hip, sliding one hand along the length of his cock and he hissed. “Anythin’ I want?” Her accent had thickened and she bit her lip as she looked up at him. “Y’sure about that?”

He lifted his head, his eyes locked on hers and his pupils blown, “Anything just... please, please touch me," he pleaded.

“Since you asked so nicely,” she smirked, flattening her tongue at the base of his shaft and licking him from balls to tip, her tongue swirling in the precome leaking from his slit. She used her fingers to stroke his foreskin up, over the head and down again, covering the head with her mouth and sucking for the briefest second before letting it go. “And you taste so good.”

His head fell back with a wordless noise of pleasure, his belly tightening and his hips rising off the bed as the wet heat of her mouth closed around him. One hand slid free from her hair, lifting to tangle in his own and tugging as she pulled away. “Please, baby... So good, feels so good."

She took his cock in hand, curving her palm around and sucking soft kisses along the shaft to the tip. This time, she opened her lips and took him in further, circling her tongue around the loose ring of skin at the head of his cock before letting him slide in deeper. He whimpered as he slid over her tongue and she moaned, pulling her mouth back to the top and then sucking him down again, her cheeks hollowing with each slick stroke. She brought her other hand between his thighs, cupping and squeezing his balls, the puff of her breath hot over the wet skin at the base of his dick when she took him almost all the way into her throat.

Sebastian’s shoulders lifted from the mattress as he fought the urge to buck up, to slide himself deeper into her mouth, each stroke of her tongue sending shuddering waves of heat along his spine to curl around the base of his cock in a needy ache. His teeth sank into his lip, his scalp stinging as he twisted his hand into his hair. The pressure ramped up fast, and his thighs tensed, his heels digging into the mattress. “Tara, sweetheart... if you wanna do more than this you need to stop," he warned her, his voice thin.

Tara looked up at him, her eyelids heavy, lips pink and slick and she lifted her eyebrows. “Do you wanna do more than this?” She kept her hand on him, slowly stroking beneath the crown with her thumb. His eyes closed as he groaned quietly. When he lifted his head to meet her eyes properly, he looked wrecked.

“Babe, this is _more_ than enough... Just want you to feel good too." He slipped his hand from her hair, curving around her jaw and rubbing the pad of his thumb across her lips. “Tell me what you want."

A look of bewilderment flickered over her face and she brought a hand to his wrist, kissing the pad of his thumb, his palm, the inside of his forearm as she crawled back over him. “I want you to show me,” she whispered, brushing her lips against his, “how you feel.”

His lips slowly parted, his exhalation rough. “Sh...Show you?” He licked his lips, his fingers tracing over the curve of her hips, running over her ass in featherlight swirls.

“Mmm...” She straddled his waist, sitting up to pull his hands from her hips. She guided them higher, up to her heavy breasts. “Y’know you said it’s hard to say how you feel?” She left one hand on her breast, brought the other up to her mouth, kissing each fingertip and he trembled beneath her. “Sometimes it’s easier just to show.”

His expression softened. “Tara...” He trailed off, his palm coasting from her lips, across her cheek and settling heavily at the base of her skull. He brought her down to his chest, brushing the tip of his nose against hers, his finger drawing circles on her breast until goosebumps lifted on her skin. His kiss was gentle when they came together, tender even. His tongue touched her lips, followed the seam and when they parted, he swept into her mouth, his breath harsh. He dug down into his heart and poured everything into her, into the lash of their tongues, the press of their lips. Tara whimpered as his grip tightened around her neck, almost painfully so, and he released the softness of her breast, his nails dragging over her belly and catching in the elastic of her panties.  

“Off," he gasped, tugging at the cotton, before diving back into the kiss.

Tara reluctantly pulled her mouth from his, shifting onto the bed and pulling her panties down her legs to kick them off. She turned back to him, pressing a kiss to his chest as she crawled up to kiss him again. His hands cupped her ass, squeezing hard enough to remind her of the burn from the day before, and he groaned into her mouth at the memory.

Breaking away, he pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes closed, the thick arch of his lashes resting against the pink of his arousal-shaded cheeks and his breathing hard. When they fluttered opened, the black of his blown pupils had almost overtaken the sea-blue of his irises completely.

“Come up here?” he asked softly, pulling her hips towards his chest. “Wanna get my mouth on you too.”

Tara groaned, kissing him hard before pushing up to straddle his chest. She shifted forward taking hold of the headboard as he scooted down between her legs. Her belly clenched tight and trembled, as she started to pant before he’d even touched her. He held his breath, biting his lip as she shifted above him, wrapping his arms around her thighs. He opened his mouth, blew hotly over the glistening folds of her pussy and she gasped, her legs shaking until, with a final grunt, he lifted his head and swiped the flat of his tongue across her.

Tara whined as he gathered the wet already coating her skin, the heat of his mouth making her shiver. Her nipples tightened and started to ache and she dropped her head forward, resting it on the top of the headboard.

Her flavour burst on his tongue, filling Sebastian’s mouth and nose with her essence, and his eyes clenched shut. His breath came sharp and rapid, and he pulled her down with him to rest against the bed. Tara’s hands fell from the wooden rail, tangled into his hair. His mouth opened over her smooth pussy, and he licked, suckling hungrily as he laved the full length of her before circling her swollen clit with the pointed tip of his tongue. Her grip tightened and she whimpered, looking down at the creases in his forehead as he worked her with his tongue.

“Oh _God_ ,” she moaned, closing her eyes again, a new flood of arousal filling her as need wound tighter around the base of her spine.

His fingers shifted, tightening around her hips as he guided her, encouraging her to move over him as he worked. She took the urging and rocked her hips, sliding the slick lips of her pussy over his mouth. He moaned against her, the vibrations arching her back and pressed his face harder into her, his nose bumping over her clit as he dipped his tongue inside her. Gathering her wetness and bringing it into his mouth, he twisted his head to nuzzle the scruff on his cheeks and jaw against the delicate skin of her thighs. She hissed out a breath and her motions quickened; Sebastian shifted his attention, his lips closing around the sensitive nub of her clit and his tongue swirling in time with her movements over him.

Tara keened, her thighs starting to shake, and she circled her hips down, grinding harder against his mouth. Scraping his teeth ever so gently, he suckled with renewed intent, fluttering over with his tongue. Her thighs tightened against his head, and he tilted his head a fraction to stare up at her face. Her eyes were closed, her forehead creased, her mouth open and panting. She sounded every breath with a tight whimper, her hands leaving his hair to clutch her breasts, thumbs twisting and pulling at her nipples as she got closer to release. His fingers tightened against her skin until her eyes cracked open, and he gazed up, begging her with his eyes to _let go, c’mon babe, just come for me..._

The look in his eyes made her stomach tense, snapping the pent-up pleasure inside her so suddenly she cried out, her head dropping forward as she shuddered and flooded his mouth and cheeks with her release. He groaned, opening his mouth wide to capture the fresh slick, his cock jerking against his stomach. She whimpered and bit her lip, riding out each rush of pleasure until she had to pull away, quickly moving off of his face and collapsing onto the bed.

Sebastian rolled to his side, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Reaching up to wipe his face, he crushed his lips to hers, his hands roaming over her ribs, her back, soothing and calming her as she came down from the high. He eased out from the kiss, his eyes shut and the crease deepening between his brows as Tara reached up, taking his face in her hands.

“M’sorry, sweetheart. I hafta come so bad right now just... give me a minute?” His hand slid between them, long fingers closing around his cock, slick with precome, and he squeezed, stroking hard.

“It’s okay, baby,” she murmured, nuzzling her face into his neck. She pressed kisses beneath his jaw, nipping at his earlobe. “Take your time.”

His head tilted back, exposing the length of his throat, and he whined quietly. “God, you taste so fuckin’ good, almost came just with my mouth on you,” he said, his hips jerking forwards as his thumb swiped over the head of his cock, spreading the fresh bead of fluid. “Shit, _Tara_."

He shifted his weight, falling onto his back as his balls drew tight to his body, one knee bending up as he planted his foot firmly on the bed. His hand moved faster over himself, twisting under the ridge of the crown, and the other fumbled between them, searching blindly for hers. Tara’s fingers slipped through his and she moved to her knees, watching him as his lips parted, his breath catching and his back arching off the bed as his abs tensed.

She squeezed his fingers and his thighs shook with tension, the pressure at the base of his spine creeping outwards. “Oh no,” she whispered, leaning over to kiss the flat of his stomach. She reached for his wrist, Sebastian whining as she pulled his hand from his cock and the fingers of her other hand wrapped around his swollen shaft. “This one’s mine.” She slid him into her mouth and moaned as he throbbed on her tongue.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, _Tara_!” he whimpered. His hips bucked up from the mattress as he tangled her braid around one hand and the other flew out to the side, twisting in the sheet. He tried to fight back the pleasure fizzing under his skin, creeping from the base of his cock and along his length to hover just beneath the tip. Sucking in another lungful of air, he held his breath and his face crumpled, twisting with the building sensation. Then she did _something_ \- he wasn’t sure what - and it was the final straw. The pleasure burst through him in a rush, wave upon wave and he cursed, called her name as he spilled into her mouth. Juddering and shaking, he was deaf to everything but the blood surging in his ears until he collapsed back into the bedding, his skin damp. The touch of her tongue against him brought him fully back to the room, and he hissed, hypersensitive.

“Holy... _Shit_ , babe, what the fuck did you just do?” he asked, catching his breath and reaching to bring her into his arms, pulling her against his chest.

Tara chuckled, slipping a leg between his as she curled up against his side. She drew her nails up over his stomach, drifting them up to his throat, and slid her hand around the back of his neck. Her light eyes flashed at him and she grinned. “Kiss me and maybe I’ll tell you?”  

Sebastian chuckled tiredly, turning his head to face her and glanced his mouth over hers. “You’re such a tease,” he said, sliding his hand up her arm and catching her chin between his thumb and forefinger. He slotted his lips over hers and she melted against him, whimpering as his tongue slipped into her mouth, gliding over hers in languid strokes. He could taste himself on her tongue and it mixed with the headiness of the flavour of her still lingering on his lips.

A satisfied rumble filled his chest and for a while, he simply lost himself in the warm sense of home, of _right_ , that he found in her arms. It was easy like this, when they were together in their own space, to forget everything else. He could even feel that in her, in how relaxed she was, how easily she let go of her inhibitions.

He kissed her until his skin had cooled, goosebumps springing up in the chill of the room, and he reluctantly pulled away. Tara whimpered sadly, letting her mouth drift to his neck as he caught the comforter in his toes and dragged it close enough for him to reach and pull up over them both.

“So...” he started, then yawned, his jaw popping as he lifted his hand to cover his mouth, and giggled. “You gonna tell me? Or...” He looked over her shoulder, frowning at the time, “we gonna sleep until it’s not an insane time to be awake?”

Tara giggled. “Yeah, yeah, we can sleep, but first...” She lifted an eyebrow. “Spread your legs.”

He kinked an eyebrow in return, but silently did as she asked, pressing the soles of his feet together as his knees bent and splayed out. She bit her lip, watching his face as she folded back the covers, and slid her hand down his belly, carefully avoiding his still sensitive cock. She dipped her hand lower, along the crease of his thigh and under his balls. He shuddered, lifting his head to watch as she curled her fingers into a fist. “This...” she rolled her fist, using one knuckle to press and circle the soft patch of skin between his balls and his ass. “Is what I did.”

He whimpered, his head falling back as a fresh wave of sensation rushed up his spine, his soft cock twitching in response. “Jesus Christ!” he gasped. “Okay, yes... yeah, that’s... feel free to do that whenever you want.” He laughed breathlessly.

She smiled warmly at him, straightening the comforter and resting her head against his chest with a sigh. She closed her eyes, lazily drifting her hand over his sternum. “Like makin' you feel good,” she murmured, snuggling closer to him. “Makes me feel good.”

He shifted his legs, tangling them with hers and loosely linked his arms around her, rubbing his cheek against the top of her head. “Same here,” he replied smiling into her hair. “And you do... make me feel good... Not just like this, either.” He dipped down, placing a kiss at her temple and hugged her closer. “Go back to sleep. You need to rest if you want to go to work later.”

“Mmm, okay babe,” she slurred, the arm slung over his chest tightening around him. “You too.”

He hummed in agreement, closing his eyes and drifted off surrounded by the sweet scent of her hair.


	2. Chapter 2

The bell at the door drew Tara’s attention, and she looked up, grinning as she watched a familiar figure elbowing the door open, a box in her gloved hands. She hopped down from the stool she was sitting on at the coffee bar, and headed between the tables. With everything that was happening, she was glad Charlie was around. She definitely needed an unbiased opinion right now.

“I bring sweet, sweet deliciousness!” Charlie announced, peering into the box before pushing it towards Tara. “I think I managed to get everything you wanted, at least.”

“Oh, girl, what did you do?” She took the box, almost afraid to look inside it. “And am I gonna hate myself in the morning?” She chuckled, holding the box in one arm and wrapping the other around Charlie. “Hey, I’m glad you could make it.”

Charlie laughed, pulling her hat off with one hand and hugging her back. “You said you wanted to spoil a certain someone. I’m just being a good friend. Or enabling you. One way or the other!” She looked around. “Quiet day?”

“It’s picking up,” Tara smiled. “You wanna go up to my office? I can have some lunch brought up.”

Charlie stared at her and Tara’s shoulders tightened, her brow creasing. “I’ve got a better idea,” Charlie said, crossing her arms over her chest. “How about you come with me, we go for a bit of a drive, and you tell me what’s going on, huh?”

Tara’s face fell. “Is it that obvious?” she asked, then blew out a breath and looked over at the coffee bar. “I guess it is. Let me... I’ll tell them I’m takin’ a break and meet you outside?”

Charlie nodded, reaching out to squeeze her forearm. “Okay, hon. I’ll have the car warmin’ up.”

Once she’d turned to go, Tara weaved through the tables and pulled Kara aside, grabbing her coat from behind the stand. “I’m gonna head out for a bit. I have my phone if you need me, alright?”

Kara nodded, waving a hand to the door. “You’re here like three-sixty-five, go on. And tell Charlie I want more of those shrimp next time she stops by.”

Tara laughed. “I’ll do that. See ya in a bit, darlin’. Don’t burn the place down.”

“Ha, funny.” Kara shook her head, and Tara hurried out the door to the street.

Charlie was sitting behind the wheel, the heater on against the frigid air outside, and leaned across to wave Tara over when she appeared on the sidewalk. A flurry of cold accompanied Tara as she fell back into the seat, the door closing hard behind her and Charlie looked over as her friend fastened her seatbelt. Tara looked up and, after checking her mirrors, Charlie pulled out into the light traffic.

“Alright. Shoot,” Charlie said as they travelled along the high street.

“Christ, woman, give me a chance to breathe.” Tara unbuttoned her coat and pulled the scarf from around her neck, stuffing it in her bag. “That’s part of the damn problem. I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Charlie frowned at Tara’s sharp tone. That was unusual. “Uh-oh... something’s got you totally tied up in knots. I don’t think I’ve seen you this tense in the three years I’ve known you.”

Tara sighed. “I’m just... emotional. Too emotional about too many things. Too many decisions I don’t know how to make. Fuck,” She shook her head, pressing her palms to her cheeks. “that I don’t _want_ to make.” She looked over at Charlie. “I’m apparently a fuckin’ ho, for starters.” She snickered bitterly, pushing her head back against the headrest with a grunted sigh.

Charlie’s head jerked around, her eyebrows lifting, before she shifted her gaze back to the road. “What the hell... Who said that?”

“I did. I said it. It’s true.” Tara shrugged, her face a twist of emotion. “Friday night, I got high and fucked one guy, and we did it again the next morning. A couple hours later, a different guy. Twice Saturday, Saturday night, and then again on Sunday. Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Tara, you’re a slut.”

Charlie inhaled sharply, glancing sideways at Tara in concern, then shook her head. “Okay, I need to find somewhere to pull over. This conversation needs my full attention... but, for the record? You’re not a slut.” She looked around, spotting a sign for a small parking area up ahead, and signalled her turn.

Tara waved a hand dismissively, staring out the window as they pulled into a space. They parked, facing the rough sea wall and out over the beach. The scrub, now brown and brittle, pierced through the pristine white snow, the sand beyond encrusted in frost only up to the tide line, as the slate waves broke over the shore. In the distance, silhouetted against the wintry sky, a figure was walking. A German Shepherd jumped up excitedly until the man pulled an arm back to throw a ball and the dog barrelled off along the dunes.

“Right...” Tara looked around at the sound of Charlie’s voice. Leaving the keys in the ignition and the heat running, Charlie turned in the seat to look at Tara. “So, two guys, huh? I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone. What happened?”

“I wasn’t seeing anyone.” Tara sighed, unfastening her seatbelt. “Sebastian invited someone over on Friday evening and we... ate and had hash brownies and... yeah, I ended up having sex with the guy. That night and the next morning.” She scrubbed a hand over her face, careful not to smudge her eye makeup. “And I like him, y’know? I’ve kinda had a thing for him off and on for a few years from back when I saw him around more. When I’d visit Sebastian on set...”

“Ahh...” Charlie grinned, her eyes sparkling as recognition spread dawned on her. “Chris?”

“Yeah,” Tara let out a breath. “Chris.” She licked her lips. “And we talked a little and decided that, yeah, seeing each other was a thing we’d like to do. Especially since he’s gonna be up here for a couple weeks."

“Right... well, that’s good. So... what happened then?” Charlie gave her an encouraging smile and brought her elbow to rest on the top of the seat, propping her chin on her hand.

Tara’s brow furrowed as she met Charlie’s eyes. “I had sex with Sebastian.”

Charlie’s mouth dropped open. She blinked, silent for an uncomfortable minute. “Woah. You... and Sebastian. _Sebastian_ ... But...” She shook her head. “Okay. I wasn’t expecting _that_ , hon. How... I mean... How?” Charlie stared at her, astonished.

Tara and Sebastian had been friends for so long, they’d heard all the jokes and assumptions about their relationship, and Tara knew this was the last thing  _she_ would have suspected. She looked away, tears welling in her eyes.

“After Chris left, he... Sebastian was upset, and I thought it was just, y’know, him being pissed about breaking up with Kirsten a couple weeks ago and having to deal with me getting laid while he _wasn’t_. The usual shit, right?” Charlie nodded, waiting for Tara to continue. “But...” Tara let out a slow breath. “It wasn’t. He was...” She lowered her voice, swallowing. “Jealous. Of Chris. And he came onto me."

Charlie’s eyes narrowed, and she leaned forward in the seat a little. “Wait. Do I need to go and kick his ass? He came on to you? When he knew that Chris had just left, that you had feelings for him?”

“No, I mean... Yeah, he came onto me right after Chris left and I... I let him.” She glanced at Charlie her eyes brimming with tears, and when she blinked, they began to fall. “It... I didn’t want to stop him. I don’t know, I just...” She wiped her cheeks with her hands. “He asked me if I wanted it and I said yes.”

Charlie’s brow creased, the corners of her mouth curling down in sympathy, and she reached out, taking Tara’s hand. “Did you? I mean, did you actually want it, or did you just do it because it’s Sebastian and you can’t say no to anything that man asks you?”

“I wasn’t sure, I mean...” Tara frowned, still not able to meet Charlie’s eyes. “At first... I don’t know, I was a little hungover and we’d all been stoned. And he kissed me and God, Charlie, the way he kissed me, I...” She shook her head. “He touched me and... I _wanted_ it, and you’re right... it’s him, and I try to keep him happy, but... I wasn’t sure. It didn’t feel like it was just that. There’s so many things that... that you don’t know, things that have happened that I just pushed aside because I never... I never thought it was _real_ . I never thought he felt anything for me except... except what we are.” She paused, her chest aching as the word left her lips. “ _Were_.”

“Yeah... I think I get it,” Charlie said gently, resting a hand on Tara’s shoulder. “You’ve had feelings for him at some point, and now that the can of worms is open, all of that has come rushing back. So what’s... What’s happening now?”

Tara blushed, closing her eyes on a groan. “Now, we can’t stop.”

Charlie’s eyes widened, and she bit her lip to stop a disbelieving chuckle. “Huh,” she forced out, hoping her tone was as non-committal as she wanted it to be, before joking, “That good, then?”

“Ugh!” Tara leaned forward, dropping her head into her hands. “Yes. And I can’t stop fuckin’ thinking about him.” She looked up, exasperated. Finally, she shifted her gaze to meet Charlie’s. “I can’t. It’s like... if he’s near me, I want him. Nothin’ else matters.”

Charlie inhaled slowly. “Oh boy,” she laughed, almost sadly and shook her head. “But... you know, however good the sex is, hon, you can’t build a relationship on just that... and I know you love him but... are you _in_ love with him?”

Tara’s brow tightened. “I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m supposed to know? How am I supposed to tell? I don’t...” She started to cry again, her throat raw. “I know what I felt with Chris, and I know that if... if I see him again those feelings won’t have gone away. But I don’t... I don’t know how to...” She frowned. “I don’t even know how to talk about it.”

Charlie sighed, tugged at her hand to bring Tara close enough to wrap her arm around Tara’s shoulders. “What a mess, huh?”

Tara nodded, crying into Charlie’s shoulder. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Charlie grimaced. “I wish I could tell you, sweetie. I don’t know that there is an easy answer. Have you talked to him, to Sebastian?” She paused, then giggled. “Without getting naked, I mean?”

“Yeah, we talked." She pulled back to look at her. “About how neither of us knew how to deal with this.... about how there’d been times when we’d both been tempted before...” She sighed again. “We’ve done a really good job of pretending there wasn’t an attraction there, but... clearly, that was a lie.”

Tara ran a hand through her hair. “Y’know it’s a thing that happens, some friendships like ours have a sexual element. It’s never... I never really believed it was on the table for us. And it’s hard because I... I don’t want to lose him. I _can’t..._ But I can’t decide my feelings based on fear, Charlie.”

“Has Sebastian said that?” Charlie asked, frowning again. “Did he suggest that if you said no, that would be it?”

“No,” she sighed. “He said he would make it work. That he didn’t want to lose me.”

Charlie’s face became thoughtful. “Seems like there’s several things goin’ on here. Apparently, this isn’t quite as sudden as it appears, even if you haven’t acted on it before. And now that you have it’s... I guess it’s like you threw a lit match into a powder keg.”

Tara lifted an eyebrow. “Girl, you ain’t kiddin’.”

Charlie paused, the corner of her mouth twitching as she considered her next words. “And... what was it you called it... Zucchinis right? Apparently there are other people in similar relationships who can manage a sexual aspect too while remaining friends. Like friends with benefits, but kinda with feelings?”

“Yeah." Tara shook her head. “I don’t know that I... that either of us could balance that.” She blows out a breath. “Not really. I mean... even tryin’ might fuck shit up irreparably. I know neither of us wants that.”

“Alright. So that’s off the table then, so it’s gotta be all or nothing.” Charlie reached up, rubbing her forehead where it itched under her beanie. “I guess you have a lot of thinking to do. You’ve liked Chris for a while, and now, for whatever reason, Sebastian is making his feelings known. So you’ve gotta deal with both situations at once... How long is Chris in town?”

“I dunno, it’s two weeks to Christmas and then, maybe a week after that?” She looked down, rubbing her palms on her jeans. “He called earlier. Wanted us both to come over for dinner tonight.” Tara sat back, rolling her head on the headrest. “How is _that_ gonna go?” She laughed at her own question.

Charlie snickered, straightening up in her seat. “Well, it’ll be interesting, that’s for sure. Have you told him? About Sebastian?”

Tara huffed out a laugh. “No. I haven’t really had a chance. And... I have no idea what to say? Oh, hey, I know we said we were gonna start seeing each other, but Sebastian and I started havin’ sex yesterday... is that alright?” Tara gave Charlie an incredulous look.

Charlie snorted. “Alright, smartass. I guess you must be feeling a little better if you’re sassin’ me.” She turned, her smile softening. “You do need to tell him though. If only for your own mental health. Otherwise it’ll eat you up.”

“I know. I will." She nodded. “Tonight, I promise.”

“I know it’s not the answer you probably want, but I think this is just going to take some time, hon.” Charlie shrugged apologetically. “Perhaps... maybe when you aren’t around them both constantly, when they have to work out of town... you’ll be able to think things through and find your feelings are easier to deal with. Could be that you miss one of them more than the other."

“I don’t know... seems like it should be different.” Tara pulled her seatbelt on, clicking it into place. “I mean, of course, I’d miss Sebastian, even if we weren’t...  _together_ like that.”

Charlie glanced over, before turning back to the steering wheel. “Maybe it _will_ be different with him. That’d be your answer, right? Or maybe...” she paused, considering whether to say the next sentence. “... maybe you’ve been in love with him all along, and just haven’t realised it.” she added quietly. “Just... think about it. And hon?” Charlie grinned. “Lucky ho!”

Tara rolled her eyes and punched her in the arm. “Ugh. Just drive.”

Charlie laughed, and pulled away.

 

~ X ~

 

Tara dropped her phone into her bag on the seat next to her and took a breath before shifting the car into gear. She knew Sebastian wasn’t thrilled to be going to Chris' - not after everything that had happened - and her stomach twisted with anxiety at how the night would go. There’d be food, beer, wine, conversation that would be distracting enough, but still her face flamed at the thought of having the two of them in the same room knowing what lay ahead.

 _You have to choose_.

She gripped the steering wheel tighter and forced the thought from her mind, focusing instead on the drive out of town. It was only ten minutes from Sully’s to her house and she swallowed the ball of nervousness in her throat.

 _Come on, Tara_.

Surely she could manage to keep her head clear for that long.

By the time she drove into her garage, she was even more of a wreck, her heart beating so quick in her chest that she was almost out of breath, and when she turned off the car, she rested her head on the wheel for a half a minute before pulling the keys from the ignition and opening her door.

She made her way into the house, closing the mudroom door behind her and shrugging out of her thick jacket, hanging it on the coat rack and dropping her bag on the bench before walking fully into the kitchen.

Sebastian looked up and smiled. “Hey,” he said softly, locking his phone as he pushed his chair back from the table, tucking it into the pocket of his jeans as he stepped towards her. “How was your day? I left your clothes on the counter in the bathroom for you.” He stopped just in front of her and his brows drew together. She looked as twisted up as he felt, and he reached out, smoothing his hands down her arms. “Babe? What is it? Just dinner..?”

She let out a rush of air, willing back the tears pricking at her eyes as a flush of shame reddened her face. “Yeah,” she managed, shaking her head and bringing a hand up to brush the stray wisps of hair from her forehead. “Feelin’ anxious,” she added, giving him a nervous laugh.

His frown deepened and he pulled her into his chest. Up close, he could see her racing heartbeat thrumming in her throat, and he ran his hand down her spine in long strokes, attempting to soothe her frazzled nerves. “Hey, it’s fine, babe... It’s just dinner. And you don’t even have to host. We’re just gonna go over there, have some food and come home again, yes?”

Tara nodded, closing her eyes and resting her forehead on his shoulder as she let the warmth of his embrace and the brush of his hand start to calm her. “Yes. That’s... that’s the plan.”

He let out a slow sigh, resting his chin on top of her head. “You’ve not told him yet, then.”

“About... us?” She shook her head and pulled back, a few tears having slipped over her cheeks. “No. No, I don’t… There hasn’t been a chance and I… I don’t even know how I’m gonna tell him yet.”

Sebastian pulled his cheek between his teeth, his own anxiety starting to prickle beneath his skin. “You’re going to though, right? I mean, this isn’t...” He gestured between them, before shrugging, his words trailing off and Tara’s brow furrowed, her eyes searching his.

“This isn’t what?” she asked quietly, seeking clarification as her pulse kicked back into overdrive.

“I dunno,” he hedged, taking a step back. “Our little secret? Or is it?” _Our dirty little secret…_

“I... is that…?” She blinked and shook her head again, covering her face with her hands before giving an exasperated, weary sigh. “I have to change,” she mumbled and brushed past him, moving out into the hallway and down to the stairs.

Sebastian blew out a breath and shook his head, his stomach twisting, before following her. “Tara...” he called, watching as she started up the stairs, and huffed, trailing along behind her. He paused at the threshold of her bedroom, bracing his hand against the frame and watched as she switched on the bathroom light. “I left the heater on for you,” he said gently, hoping to smooth things over.

Tara had noticed the rush of warmth when she opened the door and she turned to look at him, nodding gently. “Thanks,” she murmured, heading further inside and pulled off her sweater, tossing it onto the top of the hamper before shoving her long skirt down to her ankles. Soon, it joined the sweater, along with her socks, once she’d stepped out of her ankle boots, and the tank top she’d been wearing as well. She straightened to look in the mirror and the blood rush away from her head made her suddenly faint, so she leaned forward and braced her hands on the counter. “Shit.”

“Hold on; I’ve got you.” His voice sounded beside her ear as his hands steadied her hips, and he nudged one foot between hers, his strong thigh pressed into the curve of her backside. “Lean back on me. Stood up too fast?”

Tara straightened up again and rested back against his chest, her eyelashes fluttering as she brought her hands to rest over his. “Yeah... and holdin’ my breath. Just… tryin’ to do shit too fast.”

Sebastian slid his arms around her waist and brushed a kiss to her shoulder, almost without conscious thought. “Yeah... maybe don’t do that?” he teased gently, his thumb brushing over the soft swell of her belly. “And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you just now.”

Tara gave him a wry grin and sighed, frowning softly. “Is that what you want, though?” she asked quietly, watching his face in the mirror. “For it to be a secret?”

“ _God,_ no,” he exclaimed, turning her around to face him and keeping one arm wrapped around her waist as he used his other hand to tip her face up towards him. “I’m not... ashamed of you? Is that what you think?”

“No… I don’t, I mean… Maybe? I…” She closed her eyes to the sting of tears in them. “I dunno, I thought maybe you just... didn’t want Chris to know or... anyone else, or…” She groaned, opening her eyes. “I am so confused right now, my head’s just all over the place and I... you said that and I just... panicked, I guess.”

A twinge of guilt coiled inside him and he shook his head. “Completely the opposite,” he murmured, his eyes darkening and a small, suggestive smirk creeping onto his face and he ducked down, his lips grazing over hers.

Tara’s breath caught at the light touch, her eyelashes fluttering, and she whimpered. “W-what does that mean?” she breathed, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I want the whole _world_ to know.” His lips ghosted over hers as he spoke, a thick pulse of want throbbing behind his navel as his eyes flickered down over her as she stood before him in her bra and panties. “ _Definitely_ don’t want this to just be between us,” he told her, before slotting his lips over hers and licking into her mouth.

Tara moaned, melting against him, her hands sliding around to his back to clutch at his shirt as she met each slide of his tongue with her own and he stepped in closer, pulling her hard into his body. His hand glided lower, cupping the soft swell of her ass and pressing her hips to his, trapping his burgeoning erection between them as he pulled back and nipped her bottom lip. “Wanna show the whole world that you’re mine,” he growled, as his newly discovered vein of possessiveness flared up.

As soon as the words registered in Tara’s mind, the relaxed posture of her body shifted, tension straightening her spine as she moved her hands to his waist. Her face fell, and she dropped her head to his shoulder, letting out a soft, shuddering breath. “Sebastian…” she managed, her voice shaking as her fingers curled in the sides of his shirt. “We…”

Sebastian screwed his eyes shut for a moment, exhaling raggedly as his chin dropped to his chest. “Sorry... m’sorry,” he sighed, his shoulders dropped. “I know... shit, please don’t... “He flattened his hand over her back, circling softly, “I shouldn’t have let my mouth run.” He took a step back, his hands shifting to her shoulders and he gave her a sad, apologetic smile. “You better get dressed, babe.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, nodding as she looked up at him. “Maybe go warm the car back up and I’ll be down in a couple minutes? Just gotta re-do my hair, too.”

He nodded, a guilty, frustrated pit settling in his stomach, and he brushed his lips over her temple before turning to leave. At the bedroom door, he turned his head to look back for a moment, but she was turned away from him as she pulled on her jeans. He sighed and made his way down the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Sebastian flopped down beside Tara on the big sofa, reaching for the remote and bringing up Netflix. Dinner had been stilted, and there were more than a few awkward silences in the conversation. In the end, when Chris had sent them into the living room to wait for dessert, he’d let out a silent sigh of relief and slipped away immediately, excusing himself and taking a moment to breathe in the bathroom.

“Any ideas?” he asked, frowning at the screen. “They’ve been fuckin’ around with their selection again, look... They’ve got rid of _The DaVinci Code._ And _Top Gun_.”

“Um...” She shrugged, tucking her legs beneath her. “What about that show you’ve been watchin’? I still haven’t finished it. _Stranger Things_?”

He nodded in approval. “Good choice. Say when.” He scrolled through the list of episodes, clicking onto the one she selected and letting it run up. They were a few minutes in, and both engrossed in the story, when Chris finally reappeared from the kitchen with two identical tins under his arm. He set them both onto the coffee table and sat on the other side of Tara. Sebastian looked over curiously, then looked up at Chris, quirking a brow.

“So, this one is _really_ the Needhams this time,” he grinned, drumming his fingers on the first tin, “and that one is more brownies. Choose your poison.”

Sebastian chewed at the inside of his cheek and turned to look at Tara, tilting his head in a silent question.

Tara bit her lip and shrugged. If only she weren’t so tense... “I’ll have a brownie.”

Sebastian swallowed. He knew he should probably refuse. The last time they’d been high had been hard enough on his self-control and with the way things were between them now... “Fuck it, gimme one too.” he said, sighing. 

_In for a penny, and all that..._

Chris looked between them for a second, then shrugged, smiling as he pulled off the lid and held it out for them to take one each.

Sebastian took a huge bite before he talked himself out of it. “Damn, man, these really are good,” he said, his hand hovering over his mouth as he spoke around the confection.

Tara smiled at Chris as she took a bite of the brownie, closing her eyes at the decadence of them as she chewed.

Chris’ smile became more genuine, and he selected one for himself too. “Remind me to actually text you his number this time.” he laughed, leaning back into the cushions and casually slinging his arm around Tara’s shoulders.

Her eyes flicked for a second to Sebastian, her breath catching when his face changed.

He froze, mid-chew, his stomach knotting unpleasantly. He swallowed, his throat tight, and slowly sat back. He wanted to growl. He wanted to smack Chris’ hand away and pull her into his lap and hold her there all night but he couldn’t. He’d promised in the car on the way over that he’d let her tell him in her own time. He shoved the remains of the brownie into his mouth simply so he wouldn’t say something inappropriate and swallowed, wondering whether to let this one kick in, or if he should just go straight for a second.

When Chris tugged her shoulders, pulling her closer against his side, Sebastian ground his teeth and reached for the tin. Fuck it, he was going to need this to get through tonight. He quickly swallowed, barely tasting the rich, fudgy chocolate, and rested his elbow on the arm of the sofa, his fist against his cheek as he brought one foot up across the opposite knee and concentrated on the TV.

As with the night at Tara’s, it wasn’t long at all before the effects began to kick in. His head fell back against the cushion, his eyes closing for a moment as time began to dilate, taking on the soft focus of a THC high. He rolled his head sideways, staring at Tara’s profile and waited. He could tell the moment that it hit her too, her eyelids drooped a little and her breathing slowed. Chris’ fingers were drifting over her neck, dipping into the edge of her collar, and she whimpered softly, breathlessly. Sebastian nudged her leg with his knee until she turned to meet his gaze and he smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. His stomach ached with the need to bring her safely back to him and he wasn’t entirely sure if he was going to be able to resist that urge.

She kept her eyes on his face, turning her hand palm up where it rested on her lap. She glanced at her fingers, then lifted her eyes to meet his again. Sebastian followed her gaze, looked at his own. It took him a moment to raise his arm, and he reached for her hand, twining their fingers together. The moment his skin brushed hers he gasped, electricity tingling along his arm and slowly, sinuously winding down his spine to sit behind his navel.

 _Oh fuck. This is so bad_.

His eyes flicked up to Tara’s, widening slightly, and he wasn’t quite sure if he was trying to warn her or asking for her help.

Chris’ voice startled them both. “Hey, are you two actually watching this? Because it’s trippy as fuck.” He grinned, his eyes a little hazy, as he looked between them.

Sebastian looked back at Tara helplessly, gently tugging at his hand, and simply sending fresh waves of tingling sensation through his nerve endings.

Tara giggled, rolling her head on Chris' shoulder to look at him. “Nope. I’m kinda just..." She giggled again, squeezed Sebastian’s fingers. “Floating." She turned so that her back was to Chris' chest and stretched out her legs, draping her calves over Sebastian’s thighs. “And I only had _one_ this time.”

Chris looked down, his lips curved into a suggestive smile. “Oh yeah? So, I’m not gonna get a lapful of you like Friday night, huh?”

Sebastian muffled a groan, his hands settling over Tara’s shins more firmly than he initially intended. Despite everything, he felt himself thickening at the memory and carefully shifted his hips away from Tara’s legs.

Tara clucked her tongue, sighing heavily. “Chris...”

Chris glanced across at Sebastian, then back at Tara, his brow wrinkling.

“What... what am I missing?” he asked.

Sebastian turned his head away, staring deliberately at the wall, his teeth digging into his lip.

“That’d be kinda rude, since, ya know, we’re not at my place.” Tara blinked up at Chris, tugging at Sebastian’s thigh surreptitiously with her heels. “Don’t wanna make Sebastian feel like a third wheel. S’not cool.”

Chris frowned for a moment, then his face cleared. “Dunno why Sebastian would mind so much.”

Sebastian gritted his teeth harder, the muscle ticcing in his jaw.

_I’m right fuckin’ here, Evans._

“S’not like you’ve ever been together like that.” Chris continued, his hand sliding over Tara’s cheek and into the hair at the side of her head.

Tara’s eyes closed and she let out a heavy sigh. “It’d be rude, regardless,” she managed. “But that’s... that’s not _entirely_ true... what you said.” She looked at Sebastian’s profile, then down at where she’d clasped her hands in her lap.

Chris snorted. “You two? Nah, you’re like... the definition of  ‘Just Friends’." He laughed, completely oblivious to Sebastian’s posture stiffening as his hands clenched. Chris looked down at her again and his laughter faded. “Hold up... you’re serious? You an’ _him_?”

Tara frowned and smacked Chris on the leg. “Don’t be an asshole, Chris.”

Sebastian finally turned round, his expression cold. “S’not that fuckin’ crazy, Chris. I’m not blind, after all.”

Chris held up his hands in surrender. “Woah, no, I didn’t... I didn’t mean it like that," he sighed. “It’s just hard to imagine, that’s all.”

Sebastian sighed, looking away again. He consciously relaxed his fingers where they had squeezed Tara’s legs far too tightly and ran his palms over her skin in apology.

Tara sighed. “It is... it was, but... it’s not so much now.”

Chris shook his head, chuckling. “Feels like you two are fuckin’ with me right now.” He looked between them and shrugged. “Fuck it. Go on, kiss him, then.”

Sebastian’s head swung around, finding Tara’s eyes and she barked out a laugh, sitting up between them. “Are you serious, Chris? What is this, like, spin the bottle?” She glanced at Sebastian. “Are we thirteen? What exactly does me kissin’ Sebastian accomplish?”

Chris grinned, narrowing his eyes a little. “Well, I dunno. Seems like a reasonable plan to me. I’m an actor, soon tell if you’re messin’ with me.” He nudged her shoulder with his. “Besides, might be kinda hot.”

Sebastian shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Unbelievable,” he muttered, anger and resentment burning in the pit of his stomach as he looked at Tara. “Just give him his lapful so he’ll shut the fuck up.”

Tara’s eyes widened and she stared at Sebastian, incredulous. “I am... too high,” she started, reaching for the tin of brownies and putting the lid back on. “And completely uninterested in y’all whippin out the rulers for some dick measurin’ contest.” She looked at Chris. “I’ve fucked you both, okay? In the past 48 hours. And I’m really fuckin’ messed up about it, so... can we please just... not act like it’s a goddamn joke?”

She pushed off the couch and onto her feet, determined to get out of the proximity of the both of them.

For a moment, Sebastian considered going after her but paused. His stomach flipped guiltily. He hadn’t meant to snap at her but _fuck_ , Chris was killing him. He glared over at the other man. “Congratulations. Now you know. _And_ you’ve hurt Tara.”

All the amusement had faded from Chris’ face and he slumped back against the cushions. “Since when have you two even...” He shook his head.

Sebastian sighed, his anger fading, and ran his hands through his hair. “Not long,” he admitted. It wasn’t his place to tell him what had happened, their history, and if he was honest, he was a little - well, a lot - ashamed of how he’d behaved the previous morning.

“Yeah, okay, so... what does that mean?” Chris frowned. He picked up his beer from the table beside the couch and took a drink. “Are the two of you together or what?”

“No,” Sebastian said quietly, his heart aching, wishing that he could just say yes. “She likes you; there’re feelings there.”

Chris blew out a breath, taking another swig. “Right, but... if the two of you are sleepin’ together...”

“It makes it complicated, yeah, I know.” Sebastian shook his head. “Look, I don’t know how she feels, alright? She says she’s confused and fuck, I don’t blame her. _I’m_ fuckin’ confused right now.”

“Well that makes three of us,” Chris muttered, setting the bottle back on the table. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and turned to look at Sebastian. “So what do we do, huh? You want me to back off, is that it? That why you’ve been givin’ me the stink eye all night?”

“No, fuck...” Sebastian huffed, got to his feet. He dragged his hands over his face. “You do that and... I know that’s not what she wants.”

Chris shrugged. “Maybe not, man, but it doesn’t look like you’re ready to back off, so...”

Sebastian sighed, propping his hands on his hips. He dropped his head, closing his eyes for a few seconds. He needed to think but _fuck,_ he couldn’t. Not with pot in his system making everything that much harder to figure out.

“Let’s go talk to her,” Chris said finally, rising from the couch. “Try to figure this out.”

Sebastian laughed but it was hollow. “Yeah, sure.” He motioned toward the door. “After you.”

The only light in the hall spilled from beneath the bathroom door so they waited, Chris with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, leaning against the wall. Sebastian paced restlessly outside the door, trying to burn off the anxious energy curled in his gut, thinking, trying to work out a way that would fix the situation.

After a few minutes, the door opened and Tara stared out at them, obviously surprised. “What’s... what’s going on? Why are y’all out here?”

“Waitin’ for you,” Chris replied first, pushing himself off the wall. “So we could talk.”

Tara shook her head. “I can’t talk about this. Not tonight. I can’t... I don’t know how to even think about this right now, much less make a decision that’ll make anyone happy.” She looked up, her eyes wet, cheeks streaked with red. Her gaze shifted between Chris and Sebastian. “I don’t want to choose right now; I don’t know how.”

Sebastian sighed, his head falling back, and he reached for her hand. It felt about the safest comfort he could give her right now.

“So don’t choose." Chris shrugged, stepping forward to stand on her other side. “You don’t have to choose. Not tonight.” He glanced at Sebastian, lifted his brows. “We don’t have to figure anything out to make you feel better. Right?”

Sebastian looked up, his eyes hooded. His skin tingled at the memory of Tara in Chris’ lap, even with the roar of jealousy behind it, and all of a sudden, it hit him. He loved her, was pretty sure he was _in_ love with her... and he would do anything to make her happy. He swallowed hard and jerked his head, a quick nod, before looking over at Tara. “If that’s what you want, babe," he said quietly, stepping closer, close enough to feel the warmth from her skin, “then we can do that.”

Chris' fingers trailed up the inside of her other arm and Tara’s eyelashes fluttered when she shifted her gaze to him. “Are... are you serious? You wanna... oh _God_ ,” she groaned when he smirked, his knuckles brushing along the curve of her breast. “You...”

Sebastian reached up, tracing his fingers down the side of her neck and over her collarbone, following the fold of the fabric to where he knew her nipple would already be peaked up underneath and flicked with his nail. He leant down, his lips beside her ear. “Fuckin’ love it when you make noises like that, even if it’s not for me,” he whispered, nipping at the sensitive spot behind her earlobe.

Chris moved his hand to her waist, lifting the hem of her shirt and slipping his fingers up over her belly. “Go on, baby. Kiss him now. Let me see.”

Tara whimpered, arching into Chris' touch as she turned her head toward Sebastian. She drifted her eyes over his face, licked her lips as her gaze focused on his mouth. Sebastian moaned softly, watching her tongue, his eyes flicking up to make sure. Her nod was small, but it was enough, and with a sharp breath he crashed his lips to hers, sweeping his tongue into her mouth, his movements almost frantic. His head spun, tasting the chocolate, the salt from the tears that had dried on her lips sharpening the bittersweet cocoa. His hand closed around her breast, his palm circling over the taut nub and he pressed the length of his body to her side, hardening completely against her hip.

Chris' hand splayed over her stomach, sliding up beneath her top to her other breast and he squeezed, grinning when her whimper was muffled by Sebastian’s mouth. He slid his other hand up into her hair, waiting for a break in their kiss to twist his fingers in and tug her head back. Tara whimpered again at the sting in her scalp as he moved himself in behind her. He nodded to the door across the hall, meeting Sebastian’s gaze.

“In there.”

Sebastian nodded back, looking down into Tara’s eyes and smirked. His fingers closed around her wrists, tugging her hands up between their bodies, and he walked backwards, leading them all towards the door. Chris reached around her, twisting the door handle as Sebastian’s back hit the wood, and Sebastian pushed it open with his hip. The light from the hall spilled into the darkness, and, glancing quickly behind him, Sebastian pulled her over towards the bed, sitting down on the edge and pulling her between his knees. He pushed the hem of her shirt up, his lips on her skin and brushing open-mouthed kisses to the softness of her belly. Chris moved against her back, his own arousal pressing into her buttocks and his mouth settling on the point where her neck and shoulder joined, sucking and nipping and she his hands lifted to cup her breasts.

“Oh God,” Tara groaned. Four hands roaming her body. Two mouths pressing hot, damp kisses to her skin. Her knees went weak, her hands coming to rest on Sebastian’s shoulders.

Sebastian looked up at her, his eyes flicking to Chris working at her shoulder, then back to her face. He reached for her hand, linking his fingers into hers, and guided it over his jeans, around the length of him. His eyes closed and he groaned against her stomach. After a moment, he forced his eyes back to hers as her fingers tightened around him, rubbing through the thick denim and kneading at the head of his cock. Her lips were parted, her breath coming fast, and he reached for Tara’s other hand. Her brow creased, confused and Sebastian pressed her hand back, set it against Chris’ hip. Slowly, he guided her palm across to the front of the other man’s jeans, nodding at her to continue. Her eyes widened, and she moaned, finding Chris’ erection and cupping him, stroking both men simultaneously.

Chris grunted, his hips jerking forward at her touch, and he breathed in slowly. His fingers found the edge of her shirt, gathering it into his hands and lifting it up to expose her breasts. Sebastian swiped the tip of his tongue over his lips, leaning forwards and opening his mouth around the lace covering one. He sucked hard through the fabric, his teeth closing around the tight nipple and tugging as Chris’ finger and thumb pulled at the other, twisting and plucking at the engorged flesh.

Tara lifted her arms and Chris pulled her cardigan off, his warm hands drifting down her shoulder blades to the clasp of her bra. He unfastened it with deft fingers, pushing the straps over her shoulders and down her arms and she let it fall to the floor, shivering at the cool air on her skin. She looked down at Sebastian’s face, bringing her hands to his cheeks, her eyes searching his. Sebastian bit the corner of his mouth, nodded faintly.

 _It’s okay._ I’m _okay._

“Maybe you should let Chris have a turn,” Sebastian said, treading down on the wave of envy rising inside him, and, placing his hands over her sides, he turned her to face away from him, stringing hot kisses along the bare skin of her back.

Chris looked down at her, his lips twitching up for a moment, before reaching to palm the back of her head, the softness of his lips just grazing hers; his smile broadened as her quiet noise of want and he set them more firmly to hers, encouraging her to deepen the kiss with tiny flickers of his tongue along the fullness of her bottom lip. Tara parted her lips, touching her tongue to his, the heat of his breath into her mouth sending a hot trickle of desire down her spine to pool between her legs.

Chris cupped her jaw with his other hand, his finger tips stroking along her cheekbone and up into her hair. She lost herself in the contrast of his mouth and Sebastian’s... the flavour, the pace, the varied intensity of their kisses. Where Chris was soft, Sebastian was firm, diving in and sweeping her breath away, while Chris followed her lead, drew her out slowly. When Chris was teasing, reacting to her mood, Sebastian would take the reins and lift her away with him until they were both breathless. Gentle and diffident to Sebastian’s persuasive enthusiasm. Thinking of the differences between them made her head spin and she pulled her mouth from Chris', sucking in a breath of air.

“Shh, hey,” Chris smiled, his eyelids heavy as he looked at her. “Do you trust me?”

Sebastian silently rose to his feet, his mouth settling at the base of her neck, his long fingers splayed across the bare skin of her stomach and he eyed Chris carefully across her shoulder. Tara’s brow furrowed and she licked her lips. “Yeah, course I do.”

Chris' smile broadened and he pecked a kiss to her lips, swaying a little as he backed up a step. “Wait here.” He turned, walking swiftly out of the bedroom door and Sebastian suckled along the top of her shoulder.

“F’you change your mind, sweetheart, about anything... if you wanna stop, if you want me to go... just say the word,” he mumbled quietly into the velvet of her skin. His eyes closed, inhaling the smell of her hair, her perfume, the underlying scent of _Tara_ , and his belly flipped and soared. “Mmm, even though you do smell good enough to eat right now." He smiled into the crook of her neck and scraped his teeth over the tendon until she gasped.

She turned in his arms, her fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt as she looked up at him. “I want you to stay.” She loosened her hold, flattening her hands on his chest and  she shook her head. “I don’t know how this is gonna go, what’s... gonna happen, but... I want you here too.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “I know it’s not easy.” She dropped her eyes to his chest, the pounding of his heart under her fingers drawing her attention.

Sebastian’s lashes drifted against his cheeks as her fingers brushed across his chest, inadvertently snagging a fingernail against his nipple. Sensation burst outwards, short circuiting to pool low in his belly, the nerves in his skin dialling up in intensity even as his reactions came a fraction of a second slower. His head spun and he opened his eyes to stare down at her.

The look in his eyes made her shudder, her breath catch.

“I’ll live,” he said, shrugging one shoulder and lifting a hand to her breast to tease her back, scuffing his nail across the crinkled areola, brushing up to the rise of the tight peak but never quite skimming across it. She whimpered, breathing out his name and closing her eyes, her body yearning for more of his touch.

He leaned into her, ghosting his lips over the curve of her ear. “Besides,” he admitted in a whisper, finally scraping over the hardened bud before catching and rolling it between his fingertips, “S’kinda hot.”

Her breath rushed from her lungs and she opened her eyes to look at his face. Her thoughts were hazy, jumbled, and she’d just opened her mouth to speak when Chris' footsteps sounded behind her, along with his dark chuckle. She started to turn around but Sebastian held her fast, his eyes widening as Chris came up behind her.

“Whaddya think, man?” Chris asked, and Tara felt a soft cool trail of fabric across her shoulders.

Sebastian looked at the material in Chris’ hands, back up into Chris’ eyes, then down to Tara’s. Her brow creased in concern, and he hurriedly smoothed his expression, smiling gently, reassuring. “I think we should probably check with Tara right now,” he told Chris, keeping his eyes on Tara’s and aiming his next words to her instead. “Make sure you feel in control, hey, babe?” He lifted his hand, brushed the knuckles against her cheek and his stomach warmed as she leaned into the caress.

Tara breathed out a nervous chuckle, her eyelashes fluttering as she watched Sebastian’s face. She could feel Chris close behind her, the long drift of fabric still cool against her back. “I’m guessing... that he either wants to tie me up or... blindfold me?”

Chris hummed, dropping his face to press a kiss to her shoulder. “Blindfold, sweetheart. But only if you’re into it.”

Tara took a steadying breath, trying to calm the desire coursing through her at the mere idea of it, of not being able to anticipate what they were doing and simply being able to hear and feel. She licked her lips and nodded. “Do it.”

Sebastian tilted his head slightly, double checking her consent, his brows lifting a fraction as he mouthed her safeword. She nodded back, a thread of nervousness unravelling from her chest, and Sebastian looked across to Chris and nodded.

Chris watched their unspoken conversation, his forehead creasing a fraction at their easiness together, but he lifted his arms over her shoulder and began folding the scarf in her line of sight. “Ready?” he asked, dropping his lips against the soft skin behind her ear, smiling as a wave of goosebumps erupted along her neck.

Tara sighed, her eyes fluttering closed and her voice filled with breath. “Yes.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING! There is one mention of lactation kink fantasy in this chapter. It's literally just one sentence but if that's really not your thing, then skip the sentence after the one that is bolded, which starts with " **He watched Sebastian’s jaw working** " and go straight for the second bolded sentence that starts with " **The thought of it** ".

Chris brought the scarf over her eyes, wrapping it around her head to tie it at the back. He watched Sebastian’s face as he tied it, making sure it wasn’t too tight but still secure enough to stay on. “Now,” he murmured, his hands dropping to her waist, “let’s get these jeans off you.”

Sebastian looked down between himself and Tara, delicately tracing the tips of his fingers from the hollow of her throat and down between her breasts, dipping his head to flicker the flat of his tongue over the taut nipple as he teased his way lower. He circled her navel with his thumb, switching to lap slow, firm swipes across the other breast, as Chris’ hands glided across her ribs to lift the weight of both of them, pressing them together and kneading with his palms as he bent his head, rubbing the thick scruff on his jaw against the crook of her neck.

“Like that, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice liquid, hot. “Like me holding them up so Seb can get his mouth all over 'em?”

Tara whined, her back arching forward into the heat of Sebastian’s mouth and he shuddered, instantly harder than ever. His pulse throbbed almost painfully through his cock, and he bit down around the peach skin of her breast, sucking hard and pressing the areola against the roof of his mouth as he swirled around the nipple, his tongue undulating and squeezing. His fingers reached the waistband of her jeans, and he shifted, sliding his hand into the front of the still-fastened denim, grazing over the lace beneath the rough cotton to find the seam of her pussy beneath her panties. Tara moaned when his fingers pressed and shifted against her, and he grunted around the flesh in his mouth, letting her breast slip from his lips as he reached to pop the button and lower the zip.

“Oh, yeah, she fuckin’ loves it, Chris. Don’t you, babe?” he said, his voice husky, and Tara nodded, whimpering.

“Yes, I love it,” she whispered, her breath coming in short pants as Chris continued to knead her breasts, pulling them tight against her chest.  
  
“She’s already soaked an’ we’ve hardly touched her.” Sebastian grasped the open flaps of her jeans, sliding them quickly over her thighs. He dropped to one knee to help her free her feet from them and cast them away. When he stood, he stepped to the side, jerking his head at Chris to indicate he should move too. “Why don’t you check for yourself, man?”

Tara groaned, pouting at the loss of Chris' warmth at her back when he moved around her. She felt exposed, even with her panties still on she felt as though she were fully open and naked to their gaze. Sebastian was right, she was soaked, and her pussy ached for friction. “Please...” she whimpered, knowing that if she reached out, she wouldn’t be able to touch either of them.

They were teasing her.

Sebastian bit his lip. It’d be so easy to jump in, to take the lead right now. He ached already; he was just as desperate for more as she was. His fingers curled into a fist, and he closed his eyes for a moment, slowing his breath and attempting to calm the blood racing around his body. When his eyes opened again, he caught Chris’ eyes, gesturing his suggestion. Chris frowned, then nodded, stepping in front of Tara as Sebastian slipped behind her. As Chris' fingers closed around her wrists, Sebastian wound his own into the lace of her boy shorts - black, this time - and he smirked wickedly as he remembered the outcome for the last pair.

“Follow me,” Chris murmured between licking stripes along the top curves of her breasts, her collar bones, and he stepped backwards towards the bed. Sebastian followed, his breath hot against her neck as he watched Chris’ tongue slide towards the dusky, swollen tips, flicking across one, then the other as her knees bumped into the mattress. Both men took her arms, one at each side, easing her into the centre of the bed and for a moment they stood, side by side and gazed down at her. Eventually, it was Chris that broke the silence.

“Shit, Seb, how did we get this lucky?” he asked, keeping his eyes on Tara, on the rapid rise and fall of her chest and the trembling in her belly. Sebastian smiled and reached out, trailing his fingers over her ankle and the top of her foot, making Tara giggle.

Chris tightened his jaw; this wasn’t how he’d planned the evening to go. To be fair, he would have preferred merely to have Tara over alone, but he wasn’t a total jackass. He knew Sebastian was in town to spend time with her, that their friendship was important... perhaps more important than he’d realised before. He swallowed thickly; right now wasn’t the time for that. He couldn’t think about the mess of feelings in his chest, so he pushed them down, hid them beneath a cheeky smirk, and peeled his sweater and t-shirt over his head at once. He watched Sebastian follow suit from the corner of his eye as he shucked out of his jeans and socks, and crawled up onto the mattress without waiting for Sebastian.

A groan rumbled from Chris' chest when he reached Tara, curling himself against her side, his dick twitching and aching as he pressed his hips against the softness of her thigh. He licked his lips, propping himself on his elbow to mouth at her breast. His fingers swept up the sensitive skin at the inside of her thigh, at last dragging his knuckles over the drenched cotton and lace covering her pussy. Her hips lifted at the friction of his fingers swiping over the wet fabric stretched taut over her clit.

Chris' eyes closed and he grunted, his skin tightening as her hand lifted to his back, her nails digging into his shoulder as he touched her. The bed dipped, and his eyes slid half open to see Sebastian arrange himself on Tara’s other side, mimicking Chris' position.

Chris let his eyes close once more, flattening his fingers and pressing them in slow, soft strokes along the seam of her pussy. Tara’s hips rolled into his touch, soft, desperate whimpers catching in her throat, her nipple tightening even more on his tongue.

“Thassit, that’s my girl,” he heard Sebastian say softly, and Chris opened his eyes, swallowing back a possessive growl and swiping his tongue more firmly over the nipple in his mouth.  
  
Sebastian’s fingers curled around the swell of her opposite breast, and he covered its centre with his mouth, beginning to suckle. Chris found himself watching intently, darts of arousal shooting along his spine, twisting around the base of his dick. **He watched Sebastian’s jaw working at her flesh hungrily, Tara’s fingers sliding through his dark hair to hold him close.** Chris' mind flashed back, a guilty memory of a drunken night on Pornhub, a man suckling greedily from tits swollen with milk giving him a shockingly fast and hard orgasm. **The thought of it** **made Chris' eyes roll up under heavy eyelids, his large hand curving around her thigh.** He slid his foot along the inside of her calf, tugging her leg close and grinding his hips harder into her.

Tara whimpered and slipped her free hand into Chris' hair, her nails pricking at his scalp as she writhed between the two of them.

Sebastian’s eyes blinked open slowly. His whole body was heavy, arousal pulsing under his skin and every touch of his body to Tara’s curled pleasure through his belly. Chris was rocking against her as though he were ready to burst if he didn’t touch her, and the sight sent flares of heat through his spine. Reaching slowly over, he tapped at Chris’ hand until Chris’ eyes flickered open, and he signalled with his gaze for Chris to watch, to follow his lead. He trailed his fingertips over Tara’s panties, before sliding his fingers beneath the elastic at the crease of her thigh. Sebastian's eyes clenched shut, and he groaned against her, sucking harder and faster at the rush of slick that met his hand. He dipped his fingers down, slipped just the tips inside her, before returning to find her swollen clit and drawing tight, fast circles over it.

The sounds that spilled from her lips caused both men to groan, and an instant later, Sebastian felt another hand brushing against his own as he worked through her slippery folds. The breath kicked out from his chest in a harsh burst, his mouth slipping from her breast, and he ignored her whine of protest for a moment as he lifted his head to gaze between her thighs. He shuddered, his hips jerking forwards; Chris’ thumb had gathered the soaking fabric to the side, exposing her wet lips and while Sebastian was drawing circles over the engorged nub of her clit, Chris’ thick fingers were sliding inside her, the curve of Chris’ knuckles pressed against Tara’s puffy lips and the tendons in his wrist flexing as he worked them over her walls. Tara whined, breathless whispers of _please please oh God_ spilling from her lips as her hips and belly got tight, her thighs starting to shake.  
  
Sebastian’s eyes flicked up to meet Chris’, surprised to find that Chris was already watching him, his reaction. Chris’ pupils were blown so wide he could barely make out the blue. He was sure his own were the same, and he deliberately held Chris’ gaze as he nuzzled against her breast, catching the nipple with his teeth and tugging just once. He looked up at Tara, her lip red and bitten, and pushed himself further up beside her.

“Wanna come, babe?” Sebastian asked, his voice oddly gentle, and he growled as she nodded violently, whimpering. He flicked a glance at Chris, tipped his head in instruction, and, sliding his hand into the knot of her hair, Sebastian crushed his lips to hers, their kiss filthy and raw as he circled faster, firmer, shuddering as he swallowed her moans. Chris arched his hand, his eyes fixed on Tara’s face, holding his breath with her until finally she gasped and swore, her back arching as she clamped down on Chris' fingers with a rush of slick.

“Get up here,” Sebastian grunted at him, his voice raw with arousal, and he pulled back as  Chris scrambled up beside her.

Tara’s head turned toward Chris when his fingers caressed her cheek, and she lifted her head, seeking contact. Her breath puffed out against Chris' mouth as he brushed his lips against hers, softer, soothing, bringing her down from her high. He tasted like chocolate and hops, and she groaned, licking her tongue past his lips. Her body still shook, small tremors lighting through her as Sebastian drifted his fingertips over her belly, Chris' other hand still tight on her thigh as he kissed her. She could only hear and feel - the heat of the two of them on either side of her making her skin burn. Their touch made her hungry, _greedy_ , for the both of them.

She bit teasingly at Chris' lip, still drawing her fingers through Sebastian’s hair. “Is it my turn? I wanna touch you." She licked her lips, turning her head toward Sebastian. “Both of you. Please?”

Her voice was soft but thick with need, and Sebastian groaned, ducking his head to nuzzle his nose at Tara’s jaw, grazing his lips over her skin, his kisses slow and tender despite the aching desire in his belly. “Jesus, sweetheart, you know I can’t say no to you,” he told her, inhaling the scent of her skin as he turned to look at Chris. “Whaddya want to do then, Tara? Tell me... Tell Chris."

Tara let out a slow breath, her brow creasing above the black of the scarf covering her eyes. “Go up to the pillows,” she said softly, pensive as she bit the inside of her cheek. Sebastian smoothed his hand over her hip, encouraging her to continue.

“Sit up a little... and you better not be wearin’ anything or it won’t be much fun.” She grinned, turning her head back toward Chris. “Okay?”

Chris smirked over at Sebastian, watching as Sebastian’s lips briefly quirked up, and he shrugged at Chris. “Yes, ma’am,” he teased, placing his lips over the back of Tara’s wrist before he rolled over onto his back to kick off his boxer briefs and crabbed backwards towards the head of the bed.

Tara turned to Sebastian when he didn’t move, his face buried once more in her neck. She brushed her lips against his temple, hearing the tightening of his breath. _Nerves_ , she thought, her chest aching in sympathy. “Go on, baby. I wanna get my mouth on you.”

Sebastian groaned, his cock jerking at the image, and pressed his forehead against the side of her head. “This is so fuckin’ stupid,” he whispered, rubbing his cheek in her hair. “Feel like I’m...” He laughed, embarrassed, then shifted up the bed towards the pillows. _Great time for my self-esteem to take a hike,_ he thought, biting his lip and peeling his own underwear off. It took all his willpower not to pull the nearest pillow into his lap. Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on Tara, resolutely not looking over at Chris.

Tara lifted her hips and pushed her panties down, pulling them off the rest of the way as she sat up. Her pussy, the inside of her thighs, were soaked with her arousal and she shivered a little at the chill of the room as it cooled the wet of her skin. She tossed her panties aside then turned and crawled forward, using her hands to find her way between the two men at the head of the bed. Once her fingers met their legs, she got to her knees and slid her hands up the inside of their calves, twisting her wrists to flatten her palms and slide them up to the top of their thighs.

 _God, I wish I could see you_.

She rested back on her heels, letting her knees part, and she bit her lip as she reached forward, taking both of their cocks in hand.

Sebastian moaned quietly, deep in his chest, his hips bucking off the bed, his cock already slick at the crown with thick beads of precome and sliding easily through her grasp. At the same moment, Chris grunted, his eyes tightly closed. His fingers curled over hers, squeezing for a moment, and he opened his eyes to look down at her hand wrapped around him. His breath came faster, and he risked a glance at Sebastian through his eyelashes; Sebastian’s eyes, however, were firmly fixed on Tara, on the way her fingers were circled underneath the corona of his cock. Her thumb gently circled just a fraction away from the web of skin that could bring Sebastian to release almost immediately if he let her.

Chris averted his gaze. He wasn’t sure why Sebastian was so uncomfortable; it wasn’t the first time either of them had had to change in front of each other, after all, though he supposed this particular environment could seem a little more challenging. Still, Tara’d been with them both; it wasn’t like she didn’t know what to expect, from either of them. He closed his eyes and blew out a breath, focusing on the feeling of her hand on him, the swirl of her thumb over the head of his cock, the way her breath puffed out of her every time one of them groaned.

Tara continued to stroke Sebastian, but she pulled her hand from Chris' cock, bringing her fingers up to Chris' mouth. “Need you to make these wet for me,” she murmured, tapping two fingertips on his lips. Chris hummed, his hand lifting to catch her wrist and his lips parting. He dragged his bottom lip across the first pad of her fingers, before finally sliding all four between them. Pressing them against the flat of his tongue, he swiped around them then drew them free. In the next breath, he slid her index finger into his mouth completely, slowly, sucking the length of it and twisting his tongue around it, and Tara squirmed, whimpering. Her hand tightened on Sebastian’s cock, and he cursed under his breath, the bed moving as he shifted his hips up into Tara’s grip.

Chris repeated his suckling until each of Tara’s fingers glistened, then before she could pull her hand from his grasp, he grinned, swiping his tongue out across the centre of her palm half a dozen times until he was satisfied. He released her wrist, his fingers tracing over the sensitive skin on the inner surface there. “Wet enough?” Chris asked with a small smirk.

“Mmmm.” Tara giggled softly, wrapping her slick fingers around Chris' cock. “You tell me.” She started to stroke again, varying her rhythm, her wrist twisting as she slid her palm over the head in slow circles then encircled him again.

“Oh shit, yes,” Chris groaned, rolling his hips to press himself up into her palm, “S’good, baby.” His breath hitched, quiet moans slipping from him as the web between her thumb and forefinger caught the edge of the head. His eyes drifted shut, his fingers reaching to brush her jaw and for a moment he almost forgot that they weren’t alone.

Sebastian had been chewing his lip, swallowing the whimpers that had threatened to burst free almost from the moment her fingers had brushed against his thigh. It was only when she twisted her hand just right, catching his frenulum at the same moment that her thumb slid through the newest bead of slick at his slit that changed. His head rolled back on his shoulders and his hips lifted off the bed, his abs clenching as he gasped, his moan loud and obscenely needy. His hands flew up from where they had tangled in the blankets beneath him, one settling over hers to still her stroking and the other arm falling across his eyes as he fought back the urge to just fuck up into her palm a couple more times and let himself come.

“Stop, babe, stop,” Sebastian breathed, taking hold of her wrist and pulling it from his dick. “Don’t wanna come like this.” He reached over and pulled the blindfold from her face, his hand hooking behind her neck and pulling her up towards him.

Tara’s eyes flew open, and she gasped, Sebastian’s mouth covering hers almost instantly. He kissed her hungrily, his fingers twisting into the loose bun at the back of her neck to hold her steady. She whimpered, her hand stilling on Chris' cock as the sweep of Sebastian’s tongue into her mouth threatened to overwhelm her, her breath burning in her chest until he finally pulled back. She sucked in a breath, licking her lips, her eyes heavy as she turned her gaze to Chris.

Chris looked her through his dark lashes. “I think it’s my turn with that mouth, don’t you, Seb?”

Sebastian turned his gaze towards the other man, and his eyes narrowed a fraction. He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell Chris to get the hell out of the room, even though it was Chris’ house. His stomach flipped, and he bit his tongue as a wave of resentment flooded through him and schooled his features into something softer before he looked back to Tara.

“Whaddya think, darlin’? Why don’t you show him what you did with it this mornin’ huh?” he murmured, his voice darkening. _Dick move,_ he thought, but couldn’t quite bring himself to regret it.

Until he saw her expression.

Tara’s face fell, her eyes widening even as they welled with tears, still focused on Chris' face. She blinked, her breath backing up in her throat, and she dropped her eyes. “I... I can’t...” She choked back a sob and shifted backwards, unable to look at either of them as she crawled off the bed and searched the floor for her clothes, grabbing each piece quickly before heading out into the hall.

Chris said nothing. He didn’t have to. His face said it all for him. Instead, he slid himself to the foot of the bed, shaking his head, and started pulling on his jeans.

“Fuck!” Sebastian swore, rubbing his hands over his face before darting towards the doorway after her, and he slipped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him, He looked around the empty hall and stepped over to the closed door of the bathroom, pressing his palms flat against the painted surface, his head falling forwards with a quiet thud. The sobs from inside instantly muffled, replaced instead by tiny sniffles. Sebastian felt sick. His fingers flexed, his nails threatening to leave divots in the layer of paint underneath them.

“Tara, I’m sorry...” He started, then paused, shaking his head. He was furious with himself, his own stupidity. “I didn’t mean it like... I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Tara, please...”

Tara didn’t respond, the sound of her sniffles diminishing until there was nothing but silence from behind the door. Sebastian’s breath caught in his throat, his eyes hot, and the anxious knot sitting between his clavicles tightened further, his heart pounding furiously in his chest.

_Oh fuck, oh God, she’s never going to forgive me for this..._

“Put your fuckin’ jeans on, you asshole.”

Sebastian jumped. He hadn’t heard Chris walk up behind him and he turned his head, refusing to meet Chris’ eyes, to see the judgement in them. “Thanks,” Sebastian whispered, taking his pants from Chris’ outstretched hand and stepping into them. “I... she doesn’t want to talk to me right now...” Sebastian paused, his eyes focusing on a scuff mark on the baseboard a few yards behind Chris. “You should... you should probably try... to take care of her." He swallowed hard, tamping back the adrenaline-fueled nausea creeping up his throat.

Chris crossed his arms over his chest, lifting his eyebrows. “So that’s it? You’re just gonna fuck shit up and bail on her?” He shook his head, let out a mirthless laugh. “I should kick your ass out.”

Sebastian’s mouth twisted. “You know what? Fuck you.” He threw his hands up and turned, walking away from Chris, but after just a few feet, he spun on his bare toes and stalked back into Chris’ space. “You don’t know _shit_ about me, or what I’m doing right now.” His fists curled at his sides. “And just because you’ve stuck your dick in her, doesn’t mean you know her either.”

Sebastian turned away, stroking his fingers lightly across the surface of the door in lieu of Tara’s hair. “You think I don’t know how badly I’ve screwed up?” he asked, the anger trickling out of his voice. “Because I do. Better than you do.”

The bathroom door opened and Tara appeared in the darkened doorway. She was dressed, had smoothed her hair into a loose bun at the nape of her neck. Her cheeks were still streaked with tears. “Stop it.” She managed, her voice raw. “Just... it’s not worth fighting about, okay?” She looked over at Chris. “Okay?”

Chris' jaw clenched, he blew a breath out through his nostrils. “I’m gonna get my shirt.” He turned and went back into the bedroom.

Sebastian waited until he heard the latch of the bedroom door snick before he slowly turned to face Tara. His eyes were fixed over her shoulder as he drew in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and finally met her gaze. His face was haunted, his eyes shimmering with pent-up emotions. “I am so,  _so_ sorry,” He whispered, wrapping his arms around his bare middle and curling in on himself. “There’s no excuse for saying what I said... but please... I... I wasn’t trying to hurt you...” His fingers twitched where they rested against his ribs. He wanted to reach for her, but if she rejected him right now, he wasn’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t just fly apart into anxious, messy pieces.

Tara nodded mutely, dropping her gaze to the floor when Chris stepped back out in the hallway. “The reality is,” she began, sniffing and wiping tears from her cheeks before she looked up. She met Sebastian’s gaze first. “What I’ve done the past couple of days...” She shook her head, shifted her eyes to Chris' face. “Isn’t fair to either of you. And I have to own that.” She looked back at Sebastian. “I can’t pretend like screwin’ the both of you, fuck, within _hours_ of each other was...a decent thing to do. So the fact that I feel like shit about it...that I...” she let out a half-sob, half-laugh, “that it makes me feel like... like...” She kept her eyes on Sebastian’s face. “Like I have no self-control and I’ll just...fall into bed because it feels good and it’s easy. That’s on me.”

Chris cleared his throat, his brow furrowing. “Tara...”

She shook her head and moved out of the doorway, into the hall. She backed up a step toward the living room. “No, I...this was a bad idea... as much as I,” The breath left her lungs in a rush and she closed her eyes, trying to steady her breathing. “As much as I wanted it... it’s not fair.”

Sebastian’s face fell even further, his nostrils flaring and his lips pressing together. “No, _God_ I...” He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest. “You do not take the blame for this, babe,” he scolded gently, his heart thudding harder at the tremble in her passive stance. He pulled his head back, ducked down until she had to meet his eyes. “You are not the one in the wrong here. If anyone is, then I am.” He shook his head, smirked bitterly. “I shoulda kept my hands to myself.”

Tara sighed, averting her gaze and Sebastian ignored the derisive snort from behind him, staying focused on Tara. “I knew, okay? I knew how you felt and I still... I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. But you do _not_ feel bad about this weekend. Any of it."

Tears fell uninhibited down her cheeks but she didn’t say a word. Even though her eyes were on Sebastian, it was as though she was looking right through him.

Sebastian shut his eyes for a moment; seeing her crying tore at him and trying to swallow around the knot in his throat physically hurt. He reached up, cupping her face and brushing at the tears, even as they kept coming. “Please, Tara,” he whispered, “Don’t cry, babe.”

Brushing his lips against her forehead, Sebastian pulled her back into his chest. She sniffled, crying quietly against his skin as he rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I’m a big fuckin’ boy. I coulda said no tonight. At any point. And I didn’t, so that is entirely on me, not you. If I can’t get over myself for a few fucking hours, then I should have just called an Uber when Chris suggested it. And... that’s probably for the best... “

He stepped back, his hands sliding to catch hers. “If you want to stay, I’ll just head back to the house... I’m pretty sure Chris’ll take better care of you right now.” He smiled, but it felt hollow and empty, and it faded. “I just wanted to make you feel good. I... I stupidly... I thought this might help." He stepped back, dropping her hands, and ran both of his palms across his eyes, through his hair, and locked his fingers at the back of his head.

Chris walked up from behind Sebastian and leaned against the wall, drawing Tara’s gaze. He shrugged, his brow furrowing as his eyes focused on her face. “If you wanna stay, you can stay. Whatever you wanna do, Tara.” He let out a breath. “It’s up to you.”

Tara took a breath and wiped her face, shifting her eyes to Sebastian. “I want to talk to Chris. But... I wanna sleep in my own bed, so... you can go ahead and go, and I’ll get a ride home.”

Sebastian’s stomach plummeted, before rushing back in a horrible swirl. He clenched his teeth but nodded. “I...” he swallowed, coughed, the crease deepening between his eyes. “Sorry, Chris... could you just... my stuff? I... “ He turned, pushing between Chris and Tara and kicked the bathroom door shut behind him. He leaned back against the door, his chest rising and falling rapidly, and he closed his eyes.

_It’s okay, she’s coming home, it’s alright, she..._

Sebastian’s fingers began to tingle, his head spinning, and bile crawled up his throat. His eyes flew open, and he shoved himself forward, falling to his knees in front of the toilet, gagging unproductively. _No, no, no..._ he silently begged. He’d already made a complete ass of himself; he was _not_ going to have them listen to him puking and panicking in the bathroom. He crossed his arms across the bowl, resting his forehead on them as he hung over the toilet, trying to focus, to slow his breathing. The quiet tap on the door startled him.

“Just... just leave it outside.” he called back, his shoulders heaving as he bit back a half-choked groan.

“Sebastian, I’m gonna come in,” Tara announced, the door opening slowly. Before he could protest, she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, the rest of his clothes, his shoes, and his phone in a neat stack in her arms. She set them on the counter and flicked on the light, frowning at where he knelt on the floor. There was concern in her eyes, and she walked to him, crouching down on the mat next to him. “Are you okay?”

He freed a hand, tried to wave her back, his breath coming far too fast, far too shallow. “‘M’fine, m’fine,” he lied, between breaths. “Just a bit nauseous." He gagged again, fought the urge down. “Prob’ly just the pot,” he said, dropping his hand over his head and hiding behind his arm. “Go on, go, I’ll... I’ll call a ride. Can’t drive. Go talk to Chris, babe."

_Please go, please don’t watch me right now..._

Tara’s frown deepened and she stood up, pulling a washcloth from the basket on the counter. She turned on the tap and ran cool water over it, squeezing it out once it was saturated. She filled the tumbler next to the sink with water and turned off the tap before coming back to kneel next to him. “Here, sip this.” She handed him the cup and folded the washcloth in half, brushing the hair off of his damp forehead and pressing the cool cloth to his heated skin.

She let out a weary sigh, her eyes softening as she looked at him. “And stop acting like me wanting to talk to Chris means I never want to see you again.”

Sebastian groaned, halfway between relief and mortification. The cloth was deliciously cool against the burn of his face, but this was exactly why he hadn’t wanted her to stay. “I’m not... that’s... “ He shuddered, flexing and shaking his hand, trying to ease the pins and needles gradually extending into his wrists. “I never said that, I’m just...”

She put a finger to his lips, shushing him. “You don’t have to say it. I feel it.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “You honestly think after all this time that I can’t... feel what’s happening to you? That I don’t know when you’re hurt or upset or lying?" She shook her head. “Sometimes it freaks me out, babe. It’s like you’re... as much a part of me as I am.”

His eyes flooded and he didn’t try to stop them.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry," he groaned. “I’m so goddamn stupid sometimes I...”

“You’re a dork,” Tara said flatly, tilting his chin up so his eyes met hers. “What you said in there...it hurt. It hurt because...” She sighed, pausing to let out a breath. “Because that was our moment, this mornin’. Between us. And bringin’ it up then, just... it cheapened it. Like all it was about was a damn blow job. And yeah, maybe I deserved it after how I’ve acted this weekend.” He shook his head, opened his mouth to speak, but she continued. “But it also made me realise that until I know how I feel, doing somethin’ like this is a really bad idea. Supremely bad. And Chris deserves an explanation. He deserves to know what’s going on, the whole story, and not just whatever idea he’s got about us being friends who fuck.”

She swiped the washcloth around the side of his face, wiping tears from his cheeks. “So if you can pull yourself together and get home, I can talk to Chris. I promise I’m not going to stay the night, okay? And not because...” She closed her eyes, sighing. “Not because I am making a decision about who to spend it with, but because I want to make that decision for myself. I want to rest.”

“I didn’t...” He sighed. “I didn’t mean to cheapen anything... I know you love me. But honestly, I... “ He shook his head, biting back his attempts to explain. It wouldn’t change anything. “Just give me a minute. I’ll wait here until my ride gets here. though. I don’t think I...” He gave her a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll be fine. You go. I’ll put myself to bed. Just... come say goodnight when you get home, yeah?”

Tara nodded. “Okay, babe.” She got to her feet and set the washcloth on the sink. Looking back at him before she opened the door. “I called the Uber for you, so... it shouldn’t be long. I’ll keep Chris outta the way so you don’t have to see him.” She opened the door and walked out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

Sebastian fell back against the wall with a gasp. His hand trembled as he lifted the glass to sip the water, but he quickly leant over to spit it out into the toilet. _Maybe not_ , he decided, his stomach lurching. Instead, he busied himself with pulling on the remainder of his clothes. He stared at his underwear for a second, before shoving them into his pocket. Right then, he didn’t have the energy to get half undressed again just for them. He was slowly lacing his boots when his phone bleeped, and he glanced at the screen.

_That’s my ride, then. Not much longer now._

He sucked in a steadying breath and slipped from the bathroom. He could hear quiet voices from the direction of the kitchen and quickly made his way through the house to the front door. The wind sliced through him the instant he stepped outside, and he hurried to the waiting car.


	5. Chapter 5

Sebastian managed to make it back to the house before he threw up, but barely. As pitiful as he knew he was being, he let himself hang there, crying silently between heaves and shuddering. He hadn’t felt quite so out of control of his emotions and his anxiety in a long time. Not for the first time since he’d started seeing Gretchen, he cursed himself for accepting the no-intoxicated-therapy-sessions rule, even though he knew it was a necessary safeguard for both of them. Finally exhausted, he’d dragged himself into the guest bed without even bothering to undress; he curled himself around the pillow, dozing on and off but never properly sleeping.

Tara found him like that two hours later, legs twisted in the tangled comforter, his face buried in a pillow. She sighed as she walked into the room, dropping her bag by the door. She took off her coat and draped it on a chair, then set about untying his boots. The sensation of tugging at his feet brought him around with a startled grunt and he squinted up at her face as she placed his boots on the floor beside her.

“Hey,” he said, his voice cracking, before turning to cough into his shoulder and grimacing. His throat was burning, his mouth parched and foul tasting, and his vision blurry. “Ugh.” He pushed himself upright, leaning forward with a groan, his head hanging and his forearms against his thighs as the room spun for a moment. “Jesus, who ran me over?” he muttered and pushed himself unsteadily to his feet.

Tara sat on the edge of the bed and watched him go, then sighed, following behind him. In the bathroom, he grabbed the toothbrush, covered it in paste, and began vigorously scrubbing the sour taste from his mouth.

“I have to pee,” he told Tara through the foam, turning away from where she was leaning against the doorframe.

“You askin’ for permission?” She raised an eyebrow and laughed a little, shaking her head. “Don’t answer that. I’m goin’ upstairs to get outta these clothes.” She paused, pushing off the wooden surround. “Come up when you’re done. If you want.”

“I was being polite,” he grumbled around the toothbrush, unzipping his jeans and flipping the toilet seat up. “And what kinda question is that? Of course I... “ He bit his tongue and sighed roughly. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

He heard her walk away as he emptied his bladder, and let his head fall forwards, shutting his eyes.  _Still really sucking at this_ , he thought, flushing and turning back to the sink to rinse his mouth and hands. After returning to the bedroom to change, he decided to forego his suitcase and instead rummaged through the selection of his clothing that she had folded and placed in the drawers. He always, somehow, managed to forget something when he visited and now, he had a full selection of clothing available if he turned up unannounced. He pulled out a pair of black sweats and a fresh t-shirt, stripping efficiently and dragging them on. He shivered in the chilly air of the room, and hurried along the hall to the stairs, ascending towards the second floor. At the top, however, he paused, standing in the door to her bedroom. He propped his shoulder against the frame and watched her climbing beneath the comforter.

The only light in the room was from the small fireplace, and from the looks of it, she’d taken the time to rekindle the fire before getting ready for bed. Tara glanced over at him, pulling the elastic from her hair and letting the long waves start to fall free. She reached for the brush on the nightstand and patted it on the bed next to her. “You wanna do the honours?” She let her eyes come to rest on his face, lifting her brows. “Please?”

Sebastian flicked his eyes away, his tongue touching his bottom lip, and stepped slowly into the room. “Thought you needed a night to yourself,” he said softly.

“I said I made the choice for myself,” she replied, scooting into the centre of the mattress. “And not for either of you. I needed to do that.”

The mattress dipped as he climbed onto the bed, settling himself behind her on his knees. He worked his fingers through the silky strands, fully unwinding her braid before taking the brush from her fingers. Slowly, he dragged the pins through the ends of her hair, working up each section until he was pulling the brush through the full length, scraping lightly across her scalp and carding his fingers through the thick softness between each stroke. Occasionally Tara would sigh softly or give a breathless moan, but she stayed silent otherwise, letting him work.

Gradually, his breathing slowed, his eyelids drifting shut and he leant forward to nuzzle at the back of her neck. “M’sorry babe,” he whispered against her skin, brushing his lips on her temple. “I’m such an asshole sometimes.”

“I sleep better when you’re here,” she said softly, dismissing his last statement with a shake of her head. “I breathe better. I’m not so... keyed up. When you’re here everything’s...  whole.” She turned, glancing at him over her shoulder. “And now... that’s confusing.”

Sebastian trailed his fingertips along her jaw, brushing his knuckles against the softness of her cheek. “I know,” he said simply. “When I’m with you it feels... right. When I’m not, it’s like...” he paused, frowned and shook his head. “... like there’s a part of me missing. Like everything’s muted.”

She turned, kneeling, and rested back on her heels. “Sebastian, I... I talked to Chris; about us - about he and I -  whether there is an 'us' or if we want there to be an 'us'. Whether we want to see where that goes. And I told him... I told him that I love you, that you mean...” Tears welled in her eyes and she looked at his face. Sebastian's brow furrowed and he stroked his thumb over the fullest point of her cheek. “That you mean more to me than anyone else. That you’re the only family I have and I don’t want to lose that... and that I don’t know if what’s happened between us is... is it love? Is it  _that_ kind of love? I just... I feel the way I feel when it comes to you and I don’t know what that means anymore.”

Sebastian had held his breath as she spoke, and now he exhaled slowly. “How did he take that?” he asked, chewing at his cheek as apprehension shadowed his eyes.

“He knew it already,” she sighed, looking up at him. “There’s a reason why people always think we’re together. There’s a connection here that... that most people don’t have outside a romantic relationship. So, he... suspected I guess, but tonight it was pretty obvious that there is more going on than just our friendship.” She reached out, took one of his hands in hers. “The real question is what do I do? Do I try to figure out my feelings for you and let Chris go? Do I try to see where things go with Chris? And if I do that, what does that do to you? How can you stand that and still be here, still be my friend? Do I...” Her eyes searched his for a moment before she dropped her gaze, slowly stroking her thumb over his palm. “Do I spend time with you both?”

His lips parted and he released a trembling breath. “I...” he started, but trailed off, searching for the right words to say. He reached out, curled his fingers around her upper arms and guided her closer, encouraging her to sit across his thighs. “God, Tara, I wish I knew what to tell you.” His voice shook and he laughed a little at himself. “Look at me, I...” His eyes met hers and he held her gaze. “I love you. I  _love_ you,” he emphasised. “I don’t think I can stop. I don’t know that I ever had a choice.”

He smoothed his palm over her head, nudged her cheek into his shoulder. “I don’t know how I... how I will deal with you and Chris... but... I can’t ask you to...” He pulled back, cupped her face in both hands and pressed his closed lips against hers, as if he could somehow channel what was in his heart to her this way. “Whatever you need to do, Tara... Just do it. I’ll... I’ll deal with me somehow... you’re too important to me to  _not_ make it work.”

She reached up, her hands sliding over the scruff on his cheeks, before tangling in his hair. “I have to choose... I _need_ to choose.” Her voice was quiet and she tugged his head down, brushing her lips against his cheeks, over his closed eyelids, his forehead. “The whole way home, I couldn’t get you out of my head,” she admitted, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Sebastian’s fingers twitched, his faltering breath hot against the side of her face as she slid her nose along the side of his own. “Yeah?” he murmured, desperately trying to ignore the tingling spreading across his back, the heat of his cock thickening at her tender attentions. Her nod was slow, as languid as the tips of her fingers drifting down his neck, her thumb tracing his Adam’s apple as he swallowed and his head tipped back to allow her to explore his throat.

“Yeah,” she told him, her mouth almost meeting the sensitive skin under his jaw, breathing her answer across the soft hollow. As she watched, the fine hairs on his skin lifted before breaking out into a rush of goosebumps. “About bein’ in your arms...” She rubbed her face into the crook of his neck as his hands roamed across her back, following the curve of her shoulder blades and the bumps of her spine. He laid a kiss against the soft plum cotton still covering the top of her shoulder, humming against her as the perfume of her skin filled his breaths. “About kissin’ you...” she whispered against his ear, catching the tip of his earlobe between her teeth so gently that he shivered, his head lazily rolling to the side to offer up the angle of his jaw. His eyes slid closed and he moaned softly in the back of his throat as the point of her tongue lapped at the spot, indolent waves of arousal rolling through his belly and filling his cock completely. The fleece lining of his pants abraded the hypersensitive skin at the tip, a slow pulse of desire building in the cradle of his pelvis.

“Uh-huh...” he mumbled, ducking to run a ribbon of hot, open-mouthed kisses across the curve of muscle between her neck and shoulder, his arms encircling her waist while he leisurely gathered the fabric of her nightshirt until he reached the hem.

Tara shivered as his hands slipped under her shirt, a rush of wetness dampening the yoga pants she’d worn to bed and she hissed, her hips shifting languorously, circling against his thighs and pulling the cotton taut across her centre. She dropped her head forward, whining quietly at the sight of him already hard, straining underneath the loose sweatpants he’d chosen. His cock twitched in response, and she inhaled sharply, her hands coming to rest on his chest. “Couldn’t stop thinkin’ about how you feel you inside me,” she said and he groaned, his eyes crumpling shut and his lips parting as his breath came faster. His blunt nails grazed across her ribs, leaving the faintest of pink marks on her creamy skin, and he brushed his knuckles across the swell of her belly.

“Please, sweetheart,” he pleaded breathlessly, “Let me touch you.” The backs of his hands swept across the front of her thighs then drifted back, long fingers splaying over her hip bones and following the waist of her pants. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, grazed her palms over his chest as she drew the outline of each pec, her nails scraping his nipples until his dick jerked in response to the electricity curling around the juncture of his thighs.

Tara huffed out a quick breath, pushing up to sink a hand into the thickness of his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. “You wanna fuck me, lover?” she whispered nuzzling at his ear and Sebastian groaned helplessly, wrapping her into his arms tightly and inhaling the scent of her at the crook of her neck.

“No, baby, no,” he said, his voice rough with emotion and need. He shifted up on his knees with her in his arms and turned. Lowering her against the pillows, he crawled over her, nudging her thighs further apart with his own and murmured, “Not gonna fuck you tonight. Gonna make love to you. Gonna show you what’s in here,” He knocked his knuckles against his breastbone. “just like I shoulda done a long time ago.”

Settling himself over her, he slid a hand under her shoulder, the other tangling in her hair, and he nudged his mouth against hers. Ever so lightly, he caught her bottom lip between his, swiping with the tip of his tongue. She gasped into the kiss, and he parted his lips, licking into her softly, teasing and tasting. Time seemed to slow; Sebastian dropped his hand to her waist, holding her against him and rolled onto his side, bringing her with him as his lips moved against hers. His leg slipped between hers, pressing up into the apex of her thighs and he swallowed her whimper as he guided her top leg over his hip, cupping her jaw once more. Their tongues entwined, stroking and coaxing each other further into the warm honeyed safety of their embrace, drowning in each other and only breaking apart long enough to gasp and draw another breath into their burning lungs.

Tara pulled back a fraction, breathing hard, and Sebastian rolled his hips, flexing the muscle of his thigh against her, his eyes dark as she mewled his name. Her hands slid over the definition of his back and settled over the tight curve of his ass. She arched into him, matching his movements and the hard line of his arousal pressed into her hip. Reaching between them, she brushed her fingers over his tense stomach, before finding him through his pants and circling over the crown. Sebastian moaned, his head falling back between his shoulders, his cock jolting under her touch. His hands fell to her hips and he rolled them both again, shifting onto his back as she tucked her knees tightly against his flanks. Pushing herself up, her hands rested against his chest as she moved against him. Sebastian rocked up into her, his hands sliding to curl around her buttocks, kneading and guiding her hips. He lifted his head from the pillow, catching her mouth again, their tongues stroking. She nipped at his bottom lip, tugging lightly until he whined and pressed the ridge of his cock, still encased in the soft material of his pants, to nestle in the seam of her pussy.

“God, Tara...” Watching her slide along him where their bodies met, he groaned and levered himself upright to carefully peel her shirt from her torso. “I can’t even breathe right when you’re touching me,” he confessed, dropping it onto the floor in a puddle of purple as he fell back against the pillow. The rougher skin on his palm, at the base of his fingers, dragged across her ribs, catching and chafing in delicious contrast to the softness of his fingertips as he mapped the path from her spine. He traced the curve of her breasts with his knuckles, his tongue peeking between his lips in his concentration, and his thumbs feathering around the darker pink near their peaks. “It’s like I’m a kid all over again, where every touch, every look makes me ache for you, and it’s sorta terrifying,” he explained, his pitch slipping with every word, “because you make me feel like I could fly and it’s so tempting just to close my eyes and jump.”

His belly tightened as he lifted his shoulders from the bed far enough to pull his t-shirt over his head with a quick yank, and his arms found her again. He brought her flush to his chest, pressing her softness into the hardness of his body, before finding her lips again and kissing her until his head spun and they were both breathless. He gazed up at her, his eyes soft, his expression open and awed, as Tara’s hands found his face unerringly.

“Just don’t jump without me, okay?” she said, smiling softly. His eyes widened, his brow knitting and his breath wheezed. His lips parted, trembling as understanding flooded him, his heart missing a beat before soaring and his vision swam as he dragged air back into his chest.

“Oh God,  _never_ , sweetheart, always with you,” he chanted, smothering her face, her lips with a mass of frantic pecks, as a tear trickled along the side of his nose. “Fuck, Tara, I love you so much, I can’t... I...” He choked, his chest too full to breathe, let alone explain, and he shook his head, shoving his face into her neck as his arms tightened almost too hard. Tara waited, her hands brushing over his hair and across his neck as he reined in the flood of emotion, his breath hot on her skin. After a moment, he raised his head. His eyes shone with unshed tears but he smiled, the first truly genuine one since that morning. When he spoke, his voice was steady despite the adrenaline surging through him.

“I know I behaved pretty badly before and I won’t be forgiving myself any time soon for hurting you.” He shook his head, laying his fingers against her lips before she could break in. “But this evening forced me to see everything with new clarity. I love you. You know that. I tell you pretty much every day.” His lips quirked, and he brushed the tip of his nose against hers. “But tonight I finally got my head out of the sand.”

He lifted his hands, sweeping her hair from her face, his thumbs circling on her cheeks. “I’m in love with you Tara. Totally, completely, utterly, helplessly in love with you and I... I know it won’t always be plain sailing. I know I’m not always the easiest person to care for. But if you wanna... if you’re willing to take me and all the baggage I come with...”

Tara’s brow furrowed and she tilted her head, her expression softening. “Oh, Sebastian...” she murmured, but Sebastian continued.

“I can’t think of another person I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. And I know you can’t.... You can’t make that kind of promise yet. I don’t want you to, not unless you’re ready. But babe, I can’t... I have to have you in my life and I don’t care how that happens because you make me whole. I need you.” He kissed her, a gentle, brief touch that promised so much more.

She held his face in her hands, pressing her forehead to his, her eyes closed. “I’m not going to leave you. I made my decision... well, before you left Chris’. I thought maybe I wasn’t sure because everything was so confusing, but I knew. What you said...” Sebastian winced but remained silent. “It upset me because... what we have is special. And putting it out there like that... I realized I didn’t want to share that. I wanted what’s between us to be ours. I realized that the most important thing to me was you, and if bein’ there, doin’ what we were doin’, was hurtin’ you, then I couldn’t do it. I came home for you and me. For us.” She took a breath and lifted her head, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before her eyes met his. “You are in my life forever, whatever that means... we can figure that out.”

He blinked rapidly, his breath escaping as a watery, hiccuped laugh. “What the hell did I do to deserve you?” he asked, his eyes closing for a moment. A few tears seeped from beneath his eyelids despite his best efforts and Tara brushed them from his cheeks with her thumbs.

“You were my friend when nobody else was,” she began, resting back, her knees still flanking his waist. “You gave me a family when I didn’t have one. You gave me love without expecting anything back except for me to be myself.” She shook her head, starting to cry herself. “Whenever I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough, you remind me that I am. I’d say...” She chuckled a little, her breath catching in her throat. “you did a lot.”

His forehead creased and he slipped his fingers into the mess of waves at the back of her head, kissing away the salty wetness from her face. “I only did what anyone else would do. Or  _should_ do,” he said quietly, drawing abstract patterns against her scalp. “And I... I have to explain. I can’t justify what I said. I just want you to know that I never intended to hurt you at all. I was...” He shook his head ruefully and she brushed the hair from his forehead. “I wasn’t thinking. Which, yeah, I know, that’s the story of my life, right? But I just...” He sighed, feeling rather ridiculous. “Chris sometimes brings out the worst in my anxiety. Everything about him seems to be... bigger, better, brighter... and I was trying so hard to... to make this different from that time I did the whole threesome thing before. With Dani and her friend... when we were still in college, remember?" Sebastian paused, searching her eyes for signs of recollection before clarifying. "When I pretty much ended up the third wheel watching their one night stand?" Her eyes widened, nodding and he continued to explain. "Yes... so I wanted this time to be different. I was trying so hard to... to make things perfect for you, to make sure I...” He swallowed, his chest tightening with retained anxiety.

Tara brought her hands to his neck, threading her fingers through the back of his hair, her nails gently circling over his nape. “Shh, baby, it’s okay...”

“No, I... I need to say this. Please. I was working so hard not to monopolise you because I know how much that sucks, and what he said just... it hit a nerve. And so I lashed out at him. He seemed so...  _fine_ with all." Sebastian took a ragged breath, averting his eyes and his voice dropping as guilt swam in his stomach. "I wanted him to feel how I felt, just for a moment, and I  _know.._. I know that’s a really shitty thing to want. I know it can’t have been completely easy for him either. But I never meant to hurt you," he rushed to clarify, lifting his head to meet her eyes once more, "But I did, and I... I’m struggling to let that go. I don’t... I don’t expect you to fix this for me. To make excuses or to tell me it’s all okay. I just wanted you to know.” He closed his eyes, slowed his breaths until the ache in his chest faded and Tara brushed her lips softly over his eyelids. She rested her cheek against his, the stubble sharp against her soft skin.

“Okay...it’s okay. I understand,” she murmured, closing her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“And I wasn’t acting,” he added, rubbing his face against hers. “In the bathroom I mean. I’m sorry you saw that. I was trying to... To deal by myself. To let you do what you needed to do.”

“I know,” she sighed, pulling back to look at him. “You should know better by now. I’m not going to leave you when you’re like that. Not unless you make me.”

He pressed his head forward, coming to rest against the hollow of her throat and he nuzzled into her, inhaling the scent of her skin, sweet, perfumed,  _safe_. “Let me try and make it up to you,” he murmured, his mouth opening over the inner curve of her breast, sucking lightly and flicking the tip of his tongue out to taste her skin.

“Just be with me,” she breathed, goosebumps lifting on her skin from the heat of his mouth. “That’s all I need.”

His hips rose beneath hers, his toes flexing against the comforter. “Always,” he whispered, his hands falling to her waist and dipping under the elastic of her yoga pants. “Take these off, baby. Let me love you.”

She whimpered, leaning to the side to drag them down her legs, and Sebastian used the moment to shuck his own pants off, his eyes never leaving her face. When they were both finally naked, he reached for her, helping her settle back into his lap as he sat upright and brought his feet up, his legs crossed tailor style. Her folds enclosed the shaft of his cock, slick and hot, and he groaned, rocking into her. “Fuck, you’re so good to me,” he gasped, his desire ramping back up as she moved against him.

Her hand fell between them, sliding between his dick and his belly, the skin sticky with his own need and she pressed him more snugly against her body. His eyes followed her motion, biting down at the inside of his cheek to stifle his whimpers as her swollen lips surrounded him. The thick head of his cock caught on the engorged bump of her clit as she rose and fell, her fingers teasing the loose, sensitive foreskin and Tara watched his face, watched his eyes darkening and flooding with need. Circling her hips as she sank back into his lap, she ground her clit directly against the web of skin underneath his glans and cried out, her head falling between her shoulders. Sebastian grunted, cursing under his breath and his fingers dug into her hips as he pulled her hard against him.

“I’m dying here, Tara,” he moaned, his mouth hot against the base of her throat. He released his grip, using one hand to smooth over her side as he lifted her breast, bringing the rosy hardness of her nipple into the heat of his mouth and guiding it against his palate, his tongue swirling as he sucked. The other hand fell between her thighs, nudging hers away as his fingers slid against her. He teased over her clit in fast circles before working his fingers inside her, his wrist flexing as he unerringly found the sensitive spot inside her. She moaned, her lips parting and his breath gusted across her skin, bursting sharp through his nose. His jaw worked harder and he pressed the heel of his hand more firmly against her as she ground down on his fingers. His dick throbbed, jerking against her and his eyes rolled back as he huffed a wordless noise of need around her breast as he kneaded at the heaviness in his palm.

“C’mon, love, come for me,” he ground out before latching back onto the engorged nub, pressing the hard edge of his teeth where it began to flare out into the areola and tugging. With one last whimper, she shuddered, spasming around his fingers as pleasure washed over her. Sebastian worked her through the high, drawing it out with flutters of the pads of his fingers in time with the spark of electricity from his mouth on her breast, his palm circling against her until she jerked back, overly sensitive.

Sebastian eased his fingers out from her body, hurriedly sucking them between his lips and his eyes closed on a moan as his tongue curled around them, his pulse quickening as he savoured her essence. “So good for me,” he said, huskily, dropping his hand back to the base of his cock, and he pressed the crown against the slickness of her opening to notch himself inside her before lifting his hands to cup her head. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let me have you,” he murmured against her lips before tilting his head and sweeping into her mouth. He rolled his hips, filling her in a long, slow motion and groaned into her mouth, matching the whine the sounded from her throat. His lips stilled over hers and his panting breaths against her lips made her own breath catch. Goosebumps spread across his skin, starting from the middle of his back and rushing outwards as the  _heat-wet-tight-ohGodsogood_  pleasure swelled low in his belly. His hips fell and rose beneath her a single time and his teeth sank into his lip.

“Please, sweetheart, need you to move,” he said, his voice thin and needy as he kissed her again and again, channelling the flurry of emotion in the caress of his lips, the brush of his tongue against her own, as the ache built in the pit of his abdomen.

Tara’s hands lifted, catching his wrists and she tugged his hands from where they were tangling in her hair. Pressing a biting kiss to the palm of each, she guided them behind him and her hands splayed across his chest, pushing until he leant back while propping himself up on his arms. She gripped his shoulders, pulling her knees from under her and digging her heels into to bed. Her head fell forwards, her groan matching Sebastian’s, as he filled her further, her nails marking his skin. She dragged her fingers across his chest to catch the swell of his nipples, darker than hers but almost as sensitive, and she pinched. A guttural moan escaped from Sebastian, his hips slamming up into hers in response and she ground down onto him, rolling the nubs between her thumb and finger as she circled her hips. His head tipped back between his shoulders and he bucked helplessly, burning arousal curling around the length of his dick at every twist, every tug. A rush of exhilaration filled her and she leant towards him, trailing her fingers over his collarbones and to the back of his neck, bringing his forehead to her own. The faintest rim of blue was visible as his eyes met hers, his skin sweat-damp and flushed, his mouth bitten and kiss-swollen, and his hair mussed, clinging at the nape of his neck.

“Love you," he whispered, whimpering as she began rocking against him with purpose. “Oh God, don’t stop."

She caught her lip, twisting her hips at the bottom of one thrust and he grunted. Her belly trembled, her muscles clenching around him as the need built inside her. His eyes fixed on hers, lids heavy with need and she caught Sebastian’s lip between her teeth. She nipped at it, pulling until he whined and pushed himself forwards suddenly, his arms wrapping around her waist. Her breath shuddered as he thrust up hard, then again, kicking his legs out and falling back to the sheet beneath them as he brought her down to his chest.

Sebastian’s mouth found hers, his kiss desperate and, still buried deep inside her, he rolled them over onto their sides. His fingers curled around the back of her knee, tugging her top leg high around his waist before tangling in her hair as the other arm stayed around her waist. They moved together, matched each other stroke for stroke, and as she tightened, he pulled his mouth from hers with a shuddering breath. “Come for me, Tara,” he urged, tilting his pelvis to press more firmly against her clit. The pulse of his own frantic desire burned under his skin. “M’Almost there too, love you,  _love_ you...”

Her breath stopped, her body seizing up as she drew to the edge and Sebastian took up the slack, plunging into her until she moaned his name, a fresh rush of wet coating him as she clamped down around him, her whole body jerking in his arms. A few more seconds, and the heat creeping under Sebastian’s skin flooded through him, liquid fire in his veins. He groaned, calling out her name and gasped as he spilled into her, his eyes never leaving hers. His movements gradually slowed, reluctant for the moment to be over even when the slide of skin became almost painful, and he pressed into her one final time before stilling.

His lips slotted over hers, kissing her slowly, tenderly, their lungs still burning for air and she reached for him. Her hands settled on him, her fingers tracing his brows, his jaw and he leaned into them, rubbing his face into her touch. “I love you.” Sebastian breathed the words against her lips, dipping back into the warmth of her mouth, just for a moment. “I love you so much.”

Tara’s eyes drifted shut, the press of his lips against her cheeks as delicate as a butterfly’s wings and her chest filled with the swell of emotion. “I love you too,” she murmured back, as he slid his cheek against hers, the scrape of his scruff a stark contrast to the velvet softness of the side of his nose brushing against hers. “So much so, it kinda scares me,” she admitted, and Sebastian pulled back, his eyes searching hers. He opened his mouth to speak, but she covered his lips with her fingers, and he smiled underneath them, kissing them, nuzzling them from his mouth to his jaw. “But that’s okay, as long as you’re here.”

The creases around his eyes deepened, his eyes shining. “Always,” he promised, finding her hand, linking his fingers with hers and raising them to his mouth, carefully placing a kiss on each knuckle. “As long as you want me, I’ll be here for you.” Reaching out, he managed to snag the comforter without dislodging himself from where they still lay entwined, joined together, and between them, they snuggled under the softness. Sharing kisses, gentle touches, they held each other close, until finally, sleep took them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this part... but if you enjoyed it, please subscribe to the series, because there's plenty more to come from these two. :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, gave kudos, commented and read this fic... we're so glad you enjoyed reading it. :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please let us know - kudos and comments make us do a happy dance!
> 
> Feel free to come and visit up on Tumblr - [BuckysCurvyLover](http://buckyscurvylover.tumblr.com/) and [SebastianFloofyHair](http://sebastianfloofyhair.tumblr.com/) \- and share in the beauty that is Sebastian Stan, in all his incarnations!


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